1. There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant!!
Which Male pencil is responsible?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
2. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings! "YES".. OK,
BYE". She turns to her lover and says, THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE IS NOW
WITH YOU.
3. Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Which Male pencil is responsible?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
2. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings! "YES".. OK,
BYE". She turns to her lover and says, THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE IS NOW
WITH YOU.
3. Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo!!!
Retarded : doodle - cock - a - dooo !!!
Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!
4. 3 Guys were introduced to a girl. Hi, I'm Peter, not a saint.
I'm Paul, not a POPE.
Retarded : doodle - cock - a - dooo !!!
Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!
4. 3 Guys were introduced to a girl. Hi, I'm Peter, not a saint.
I'm Paul, not a POPE.
I'm John, not a Baptist...
The girl replied.. Hi. I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.
5. Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time.
The girl replied.. Hi. I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.
5. Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time.
Mistresses are Tom Yams..Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!
6. Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as
She replied: I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!
WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!
6. Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as
She replied: I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!
7. Yesterday's news A nun jogging at Jogger' Park was raped by 4 guys.
Today's News :- Nearly 100 nuns found jogging at the park.
MEMORIES
My sporting days are over
My Pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.
It used to be embarrassing
To make the thing behave
For nearly every morning
It would stand up and watch me shave.
But as I’m growing older
It sure gives me the blues
The poor thing can only dangle down me leg
And watch me clean my shoes
Spaghetti.A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?"she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you". Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without." !!!
______________________________
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you". Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without." !!!
______________________________
Most embarrassing moment
A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find
the Most embarrassing moment in listener's lives.
The final four were:
4th Place
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy's willie last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
3rd Place
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard
the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I
give her a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to
miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on
as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family
parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends, were
standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in a state
of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.
2nd Place
A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally Got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the
items had no price tag.
The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, "Price check for Tampax supersize."
the Most embarrassing moment in listener's lives.
The final four were:
4th Place
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy's willie last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
3rd Place
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard
the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I
give her a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to
miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on
as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family
parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends, were
standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in a state
of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.
2nd Place
A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally Got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the
items had no price tag.
The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, "Price check for Tampax supersize."
But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks', and replied in a business
like tone, his voice booming over the same public address system:
'Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind one you
belt in with a hammer.
1st Place.
And the winner is . . . ..........
This happened at a major Australian University, during a biology
lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in
semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand you
correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in
sugar?" The professor responded, yes, that's correct adding some
statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why
doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence,
the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red,
and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she
picked up her books, and without another word, walked out of the class.
However, as she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a
classic. Totally straight faced, he answered her question. "It
doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the
tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat".
misunderstood word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks', and replied in a business
like tone, his voice booming over the same public address system:
'Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind one you
belt in with a hammer.
1st Place.
And the winner is . . . ..........
This happened at a major Australian University, during a biology
lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in
semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand you
correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in
sugar?" The professor responded, yes, that's correct adding some
statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why
doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence,
the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red,
and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she
picked up her books, and without another word, walked out of the class.
However, as she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a
classic. Totally straight faced, he answered her question. "It
doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the
tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat".
Great collection of jokes Sriani- enjoyed every bit of it - thanks- look forward to more!
ReplyDeleteRohini, not to worry.....a few more will follow.
DeleteSriani
Sriani
ReplyDeleteThank you. What a collection. A strain on my intercostals
ND
Sriani, I never realised the depth of your humour. "Laughter the best medicine", without a doubt. As Edward de Bono (obviously a sound egg) said, " Humour ia by far the most significant activity of the human brain". Keep it coming, this Jokes section is proving very popular.
ReplyDeleteSpeedy says that this Jokes section is proving very popular. Rohini Ana wants more. ND is laughingly complaining about his aching intercostals. I am wondering what I have taken on!
ReplyDeleteThe responsibility is on me, but I am not one to shirk it. I have received so many contributions, but all from our "regulars". For your information, I assure you that each and every one of the precious stuff will be published.
What I usually do is post them in the order they are received. They are all well lined up. I also post at the rate of one a day so that there is time for comments.
Let's not get drowned in jokes alone. Pay attention to the other categories as well. I also don't want this to develop into a "club". I am sure there are others who view the blog, but are still reluctant to make a contribution.
Right now, I am inundated. But there have been dry spells as well.
Yes indeed. Come on chaps and chappies (or Guys as they say these days), get your skates on and contribute to this Blog!
ReplyDeleteYes, it does look as if the contributions are only from the "regulars" as Lucky calls them. Come on guys and gals, and contribute to our very own blog.
ReplyDeleteSriani