Smile A While - an offering for our Blog.
From Dr Suriyakanthi Amarasekera
Some
case notes written by doctors can be rather amusing. A missing letter, a
misplaced comma, or a slight grammatical error can make all the difference.
Given
below are some actual entries found in
BHTs
On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it disappeared completely.
·
The patient refused an autopsy
·
The patient has no past history of suicides
·
The skin was moist and dry
·
The patient was alert and unresponsive
·
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me
in 2003
·
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also
appears to be depressed.
·
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet
turtle, who is presently enrolled in a nursery three times a week.
·
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
car collided with another vehicle.
·
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physiotherapy.
·
While in the emergency room, she was examined, X- rated. and
sent home.
·
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until last year when she got a divorce.
·
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
·
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed
to the paediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately
A delightfully funny collection fron Suri. I hope Readers will contrinute their own stories. These things do provide some light relief in our busy and stressful lives.
ReplyDeleteThank you Speedy for posting my offering. Where on earth did you find that photograph ??
DeleteAs you say we all need to relax from time to time in these stressful days if we are to keep our sanity . And what better way to relax than having a good laugh !
I have read somewhere that the most wasted days in our lives are the ones in which we have not smiled even once ! I do agree.
Thanks once again for your super efficiency
Suri
Suri
ReplyDeleteLovely collection of humorous stories. To use a well heeled cliche "laughter is the best medicine".
Thank you Nihal. You must surely have a few you could add
DeleteSuri
Enjoyed reading your snippets, Suriyakanthi
ReplyDeleteLama, you must have some good BHT stories to share!
DeleteThanks Lama. Was the paediatrician referred to you by any chance ???
ReplyDeleteSuri
Suri
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed reading the collection of stories. Shared them with some friends who are with us in Dawlish.
Bora,why don't yiou add a few from your immense storehouse of jokes!
DeleteNot me by any means, Suriyakanthi
ReplyDeleteI came across these- some are repetitions of ones in Suri post and I have left them as they were found. A lot of plagiarsation going on!
ReplyDelete"These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS (National Health Service Greater Glasgow)
1. The patient has no previous history of suicide.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better"
I have related a true story in this blog which happened in my ward class group. Here it is- Dr EVP asked my friend to describe the patient lying on the bed -a meningitis patient with opisthotonus. He said "Sir, this patient on the bed is mentally backward" This is a true story!
Thank you Speedy that was so hilarious. Had me chuckling for a long time!
ReplyDeleteYour story about EVP reminded me of a real life incident
I was doing a locum Anaesthetic Registrar job at the Greenwich District Hospital way back in 1975.
The Senior Consultant Anaesthetist
( who I will not name ) was a very largely endowed lady. One day she had given a block for a hernia repair. She was leaning over the patient and watching the surgery. She looked down at the patient and asked " Are You OK down there ?" The patient replied " I would be if you take your bloody great tits off my face and let me breathe!"
I had to bite my knuckles to stop me from laughing out !
That reminds me of one of a jokes Mahendra used to crack as the Corner Man at our Ministral Shows
There was this lucky couple who were blessed with triplets. They named their babies Tim, Tom and Tat. Everything was fine till it came to feeding time... You see during feeding time there was no Tit for Tat!
That was me Suri
ReplyDeleteA surgeon on his ward round went to a diabetic. He said "I have some bad news and some good news for you. The bad news is that sadly I have to amputate both your legs. The good news is that the patient in the next bed is willing to buy your shoes".
ReplyDeleteWhen I worked at the King Faisal University in Dammam Saudi Arabia in 1988/89, I found my name written in some BHTs as "LAMA". When I questioned why it was written ,I was told that it meant "Left Against Medical Advice"!
ReplyDeleteDuring a ward round, one patient complained that he was passing "piti" in his urine (probably turbid urine); next patient said he is passing "Seeni" (sugar ) in his urine. The Physician who heard it said "Umba denna ekkahuwela appa puchchapang"!
ReplyDeleteI have heard this before Lama. It's so funny . If I remember right this statement was made by Dr Medonza Suri
DeleteLama I think this was a real incident and the Consultant Physician concerned was Medonza.
DeleteSuri
Nihal and Sanatm, great additions to the growing collection. waitimg for Bora now!
ReplyDeleteSuri and Mahen
ReplyDeleteMy stories are based on true incidents and not many publishable ones are left now.A Urologist with whom I play golf referred a patient of his to a specialist centre for a penile implant.This was many years ago,when the procedure had just been introduced.
A few months later my friend received the following letter.Th penile implant results in a state of permanent erection for the patient.As he is a very keen dancer and has a number of dancing partners,some of them may find the experience uncomfortable and embarrassing. Therefore decided not to go ahead with the procedure
I understand that with the modern implants, this problem does not exist. Please note I do not use one.
A couple decided to visit a Birth control clinic.The following notice was on the front door.Under repair.Please use the back door.Not sure whether this is a true story.
Hi
ReplyDeleteProsthesis maybe more correct than implant.
Notice displayed in the Orthopaedic Clinic at the NHSL, Sri Lanka
ReplyDelete"I used to complain about my shoddy shoes until I saw a man without both feet"
Hi it's Suri again
ReplyDeleteIf I may be permitted to add another joke ....
There was a General Practioner who had the misfortune to have a hypochondriac as his immediate neighbour. He would bang on the doctor's door at all hours " Doctor Doctor Doctor have you got any thing for a headache ?" " Doctor doctor doctor have you anything for a tummy ache ?" and so on . The poor doctor hardly had a full night's sleep.
Then the neighbour got a massive coronary and died and was buried. Unfortunately 3 days later the doctor too had the same fate and was buried right next to his erstwhile neighbour.
On the night of the burial the doctor hears a sharp rapping on his coffin " Doctor Doctor Doctor have you got any thing for worms ?"