GREAT PUNS – forwarded by ZITA
These wonderful popular puns were sent by our Zita! She may not be in the best of health but she certainly hasn’t lost her sense of humour!
how does Moses make his
tea? Hebrews it.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
Details are sketchy.
I used to be
a banker, but then I lost interest.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I
had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
I know a guy
who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all
night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never
met herbivore.
When chemists die, apparently they barium.
I'm reading a
book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a
theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she
couldn't control her pupils?
When you get
a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
Broken pencils
are pretty much pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the
toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears
the police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off !
Note from Admin: The pun, also known as paronomasia,
is a form of word play that exploits multiple meanings of a term, or of
similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous or rhetorical effect. Origin is
speculative, perhaps from pundigron, meaning the same thing
(though attested first a few years later), itself a word of uncertain
etymology, perhaps a humorous alteration of Italian puntiglio "equivocation,
trivial objection," diminutive of Latin punctum
"point." This is pure speculation. Punnet was another early
form. In Tamil, "Sledai" is the word used to mean pun in which a word
with two different meanings. Google translates “pun” as Vadan (වදන්)
Zita
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your lovely puns. Thank you very much for sharing them with us. They made me smile and laugh. I am happy that your spirits are up with smiles and laughs with all the medical problems you are facing. Keep smiling and laughing to neutralising your anxiety and difficulties. Wish you all the very best! Chira
Chira,FRCS, laughter, the best medicine for Zita, at this juncture.
ReplyDeleteI am sure many of us would have seen some of these puns before as they are part of the email merry-go-round but what is special about these the fact that they were sent by Zita and is a reminder about her indomitable spirit and great sense of humour. Please do comment and help raise her spirits at this difficult time for her.
ReplyDeleteDear Zita
ReplyDeleteNice to hear from you and thank you very much for posting these Puns. I found them very amusing and hope to share them with my mates on the golf course. Over the past eighteen months you have been a source of inspiration to me(a new comer to the Blog). Your poetry , music and comments have kept all of us going, especially during lock down.
Best wishes
Zita, thank you for taking the trouble to send these clever puns! They made me chuckle. It is good to see you here. I wish you the very best.
ReplyDeleteAnd Mahen, our indefatigable Administrator, what about the word "Pundit?"
Dear Zita,
ReplyDeleteI sent a direct e-mail to you through your daughter Nisha. I got her address from Speedy. Hope you received it.
I hardly write to the blog now, but I wanted to make a comment on your post somehow! I know that the Blog is in safe hands.
Regards.
Lucky
It's so nice to see you keep contributing to the blog. Please keep it up. These are my special words of encouragement to a special friend.
Zita, I enjoyed reading the puns you posted. I am posting some more.
ReplyDeleteHow does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side. Then he lies on the other side.
I have few jokes about unemployed people but none of them work
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
Will glass coffins be a success? It remains to be seen
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks what is your favourite music? The other says I am a big metal fan
Hear about the newest restaurant called Karma? There is no menu, you get what you deserve
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but could not find any
What do you call a bee that cannot make up it's mind? A maybe
I tried to sue the airline that lost my luggage-I lost my case
When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane
I was originally going to have a brain transplant but then I changed my mind
Is it ignorance or apathy that is changing the world? I don't know and I don' really care.
My wife still misses me but her aim is starting to improve
The guy who invented the door knocker, got a no-bell prize
I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought that is the last thing I need
Need an ark? I Noah a guy
I used to be indecisive but I am not so sure now
Sleeping comes to me naturally. I could do it with my eyes closed
What did the grape say when it was stepped? Nothing, but it let out a little whine
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus
You are not completely useless; you can always serve as a bad example
I broke my finger last week, on other hand I am OK
What is the best thing living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus
Did you hear about a guy who was hit on the head with a with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink
To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero. Thanks for nothing
Don't spell part backwards, it's a trap
Please let me know whether you enjoyed these puns. If so, I could post some more
Sanath, I have seen some of these before but they still produced a hearty laugh. Please do post some more, it is a good tonic. I am sure Zita would enjoy them too. I know she has a look at the blog now and again.
ReplyDeleteSome more puns
ReplyDeleteSon, Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Dad, no sun
My math teacher called me average , how mean?
Clinic receptionist, doctor, there is a patient on-line who says he has become invisible. Doctor "well tell him that I can't see him right now"
Can February March? No, but April May
Crazy wife tells husband that moose are falling from the sky. Husband says it's reindeer
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger Then it hit me
What do you use to cut the Roman Emperor's hair? A pair of Caesars
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork. Heavier ones need a crane.
Teacher, tell me something that conducts electricity; student why er-- .Teacher, yes wire! Now name a unit of electrical power. Student, A what? Yes ,very good
Two peanuts were walking down a street and one was salted (assaulted)
What travels faster, hot or cold? Hot, you can always catch cold
What did the road say to the bridge? Answer-you make me cross
I would tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction
We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history
Did you hear about an Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny
Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey
I bought an impressionist painting of some flowers, but when I got home the cat scratched it. Now I am trying to sell it as a Clawed Monet
What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead, as I give these two a lift
Why didn't the bike go to work. It was two-tired
What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of it's paws; the other is a pause at the end of a clause
I have great joke about construction but I am still working on it
How did the picture end up in jail It was framed
What do you call a can opener that does not work? A can't opener
Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants
I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust
How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He jut needed some space
The wedding was so beautiful--even the cake was in tiers
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds
Don't worry if you miss a gym session. Everything will work out
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst
I dropped out of the communism class because of lousy Marx
However much I see these again and again, I always find them so funny! And what clever use of words? Are there similar Sinhala equivalanrs with play on words?
ReplyDeleteSpicy Signages
ReplyDelete*A sign in a shoe repair store*:
"We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you!"
Sign over a *Gynaecologist’s Office* :
"Dr. George, at your cervix";
At an *Eye Clinic* :
"If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place.”;
On a *Plumber's truck* :
"We repair what your husband fixed”;
On an *Electrician's truck* :
"Let us remove your shorts”;
In a *Non-smoking Area* :
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action”;
On a *Maternity Room door* :
"Push. Push. Push.”;
At a *Car Dealership* :
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”;
At the *Electric Company* :
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”;
In a *Restaurant window* :
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”;
In the front yard of a *Funeral Home* :
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”;
Sign on the back of *Septic Tank Truck* :
*"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"*
Priceless Sanath! laughter IS good for you. Thanks very much for your continued support for the Blog. Much apprecia
ReplyDeleteSpeedy, the good old saying "laughter the best medicine" is certainly, true. I like to see some contributions from our veteran, bloggers. Hope! they have not decided to call it a day.
ReplyDeleteMahendra, the number of contributors are gradually dwindling. I sincerely hope it would not become extinct
ReplyDeleteDearest Zita, so lovely to see you on the blog after a long break. You were always ready to see the funny side of any situation and always walked on the sunny side .... An inherited trait I believe your dear mother was always so jolly. Thank you for your delight ful post and though we gave heard some of them before, they don't get stale... Always raises a chuckle. Thank you for being such a ray of sunshine ! Love Suri
ReplyDelete