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Thursday, August 3, 2017

Razaque Ahamat writes.....

This is an e-mail (unedited) sent by Razaque

This is slightly belated, but cannot disappoint Rohini Ana as she was very keen to hear about  the 'incidents' that took place in my recent hospitalisation. It appears that they seem to follow me around!!

Anyway at a rather 'turbulent' period in our Blog, what... with all that Dosa & Vadai dialogue that went on and of course the jubilation of reaching the milestone of a MILLION posts on the Blog, let me say 'BIG THANK YOU' to you for all your untiring  efforts and to all the participants in these 7 years or so for their contribution, without which it could not have achieved so  much success. One moment to those shunned or who were indifferent to participate in this Forum..... "You do not, nor will ever know WHAT YOU HAVE MISSED OUT ON?".

Now for the main item of my hospital 'experience'. You all know that I was admitted to hospital as an emergency on 3 occasions within a few days. When I was admitted with my 'so called chest pain', it was an Irish student nurse who documented initial details. At one point she asked me "Do you live with your wife?" To which I replied with mischief "Yes... with my first wife". She was taken aback. Of course there were other nurses and docs & students who were 'eavesdropping' looked at me with some concern. The female Registrar smiling asked me "How many?" To which I replied "only one"...  relief to some & 'disappointment' to others who wanted to know more of the sordid details. Then I was asked why I said 'lived with my first wife?'. To which I replied "I have only one wife --- only the first one, and I was not telling a lie, was I ??" There was laughter and that 'broke the ice'.
I was then transferred from A&E to the short-stay Acute Medical Ward that had 8 bays with 6 patients in each. It was only then that I realised that it was an Uni-Sex ward!!!... lucky me!! I also realised that I was the only male in that bay...... 'the only COCK in the HEN coop'!!! .....By the way the term 'HEN' is an endearing term in Scotland for the female of the species, although 'COCK' does not refer to males!!! As night fell the two beds on either side of me fell vacant (either discharged or sent to Specialist wards). There were all types of monitoring devices bleeping away, but that did not bother me as the 2 beds next to me were now occupied by two more women of 'ginormous' proportions that I had very rarely seen ever before!! When it was time to sleep and the lights dimmed & curtains round the beds closed 'IT' began. Noises from both sides like 'staccato machine gun fire' ...  volley after volley!!.... they both were FARTING away merrily. I was kept awake by this. Then there was some activity in isle as nurses were talking to the two  ladies. Then the 'machine gun fire' stopped and after awhile there was some 'hissing' sounds. Thought the these ladies had gone into the 'slow release' mode??.
I managed to get some sleep only to be woken up by the nurse come to check  my BP / Blood sugar levels.
I told the nurse "There was some excitement last night & I could not sleep due to the  sound of passing wind by two patients. I suppose other patients may had complained??" She said "NO, it was not the sound but the SMELL,we had to spray the place with odour elliminators "!!. I said " That explains those 'hissing' noises but have lost my sense of smell some time back & I suppose I was lucky, but I unfortunately I had my hearing aid on"....... We had a laugh, ---- to put it lightly!!!. 
Next time....., there will be no next time & will be no follow-ups either as I may be gone for GOOD!!!.
Please pray for me for a "safe journey" to wherever ???


  1. Trust our dear friend Raz to come up with this story! I am sure it is all substantially true! It brought to mind a very old cartoon where two men were seated in a railway carriage, one was a proper gentleman wearing a three piece suit and a bowler hat and the other an ordinary "working class" man. The proper gent kept to himself rather aloof in manner but suddenly a short rumble emerged from him although his face did not even show a glimmer of discomfort and the working class man asked "Excuse me sir, have you just farted?", to which our gent drew up haughtily and replied "Of course I did, do you think i always smell like this?".

    You joke about your problems Raz in your own inimitable style but I do hope you are well and will continue to raise smiles wherever you go. Please convey our love to your first and only wife who must have the patience and understanding of a Saint to put up with your pranks!

    1. Raz,--- your "Substantial No: 1"August 10, 2017 at 10:30 AM

      Thank you for your message.
      I would have a great night's sleep & totally oblivious to my surroundings had I not had my hearing aid on..... no noise & NO SMELL ... only 'sweet dreams' & not be able to post this item in the Blog!!!.

  2. Razaque,
    Thank you for keeping your promise of posting your hospital
    "incidents" in the blog.
    I was beginning to wonder what became of you when you disappeared from the blog once more, and am glad you've returned with your unique brand of humour.
    You have a great ability to see the funny side of things in the midst of adversity.
    Do take care of yourself, keep out of hospital and out of trouble, and my prayer for you shall not be for a "safe journey to wherever" as you requested, but for good health for many many more years to come.
    With Best Wishes

    1. Hello Razaque,
      The doctors masks were white,the colour of their coats white,The white woman's crown was white,The sheets,the beds,the gauze,bandages and the cotton,the sleeping pills,the tube of serum,the glass of milk,all white.Those were the days bygone.


    2. Inshallah! Big boy Razaque.I am sure you will withstand any threats to your health.
      May you live long until the final day dawns.


    3. Sumathi, Thank you for your comments. It is great to see you are 'regular' now.... I mean to the blog posts. Carry on my friend & most welcome.
      By the way have I now gone to be your "BIG BOY" from "PRINCE"???.... a demotion in my 'status'???? Please give a call (01382 566396) or let me have your phone number so that we can have 'jaw--jaw'.

    4. Rhohini, thank you for your comments.
      As I promised I have done my bit. I have very never failed to keep to my promises, but cannot say the same about 'others' over the years.... one was 'heart breaking'!!
      As for seeing the funny side of situations, I suppose they come naturally. There are a few more which I shall post when not in the garden pottering about. As you can gather almost all my so 'called humour' in situations I have been in and at 'my or mine' expense. As the 'now the BIG Mouse' says Farina has the patients of a Saint to put up with my antic for 45yrs....on the 12th of August!!
      I will not disappoint you in the future... I promise you.

  3. Dear Rasaque.
    After two failed attempts at posting in the blog I'm emailing you and Lucky.
    I met L at Pram's party and he instructed me again., but here I am.
    I wrote
    Great stuff Razaque.I never cease to be amazed at how you extract humour from the most unlikely situations.
    You should ask the NHS to provide patients with earplugs ,and for those who have retained the sense of smell face asks.!!!
    I could empathise with your comments about the Irish nurses.We had many when I worked at the Central Middlesex hospital in London.They were lively ,cheerful
    and carefree and enlivened the drab wards and the dreary routine.
    I particularly remember Julie R , a pretty young girl who regularly accompanied me on
    my ward rounds.She had a superb sense of humour .an interesting turn of phrase and
    Infectious laughter.Sometimes she would join us at the clubhouse after work for a drink
    My other Srilankan colleagues were Chandrasiri Niriella's brother and Dr Wimalasundera.There was much sadness when I had to leave at the end of my term..
    How I wish we had social and electronic media then.I could have kept in touch with some of the nicest people whom I have met in UK or anywhere else.
    I too have been through the wars lately but by choice avoided hospitalisation.
    I join Rohini A with a prayer for many,many years of good health and happiness for you,
    your "first and only wife" and family.
    Yours Truly
    Kumar G

    1. Thanks Kumar.
      As for Irish folk... they have sense of humour of their own. This student nurse who initially 'checked' me in was a twin called Roberta and her twin was Rebecca. She too was a nurse in another ward & thank god for that! They are so alike as it was with my twin girls which caused chaos at school as they were in the same class throughout as well!!. The two student nurses I named them as Bobby & Beccky... to their delight!!
      I shall do my best to stay well as best as I could... 'Insha-Allah'---- God willing in Arabic.
      You too keep going & well so that you could try your hand on a cartoon--- "A Pakistan Maternity & Gynnae Clinic"!!!!

  4. Hi Razaque,
    I really enjoyed your "piece" about your stay in hospital, and laughed and laughed till the tears kept pouring down my face.
    I am looking forward to more humorous articles, but not that I want you to get admitted to hospital again!
    Thank you so much for keeping our blog alive and interesting.
    Sriani Basnayake

    1. Thanks Sriani,
      I sorry I made you 'cry'!!!.
      I know it was "tears of laughter"
      I shall do my best to keep our blog ticking with a few more "pieces" as & when ever they happen. I seem to have a 'habit' of looking at the funny side of life.... probably a form of "reverse observation" if such a thing exist!!

  5. Hi Razaque,
    It is great to read about your hospital escapades (about gas escaping, no less) in you own inimitable style! As Rohini and Sriani both said, we hope that you will stay out of the hospitals, but continue to entertain us with your anecdotes regularly. Wishing you and Farina better health in the years ahead, Srianee

  6. Thanks Srianee,
    I generally tend to gravitate to hospitals even though long retired. Nevertheless, like a criminal revisiting the crime scene!! We too feel that less such visits unless for follow-up clinics the better. This would be the loss to our Blog!!!!.
    Take care with love from us.

  7. Hi all,
    I knew a girl called,Bunter
    As a damsel,she was never a man-hunter,
    Her legs were full of lustre(luster),
    She was a good banter,also was a funster,
    Ended up in the New World,at a canter,
    Who will,keep her,warm in the winter,I wonder?

    I am not a Romeo.