Off the Cuff……..

 By Nihal D Amerasekera

 

Being septuagenarian closing on becoming and octogenarian there is a natural tendency to look over the shoulder at the perils and pitfalls of my generation. Lucky Abey’s recent misfortune is a cue, if one is needed, to knock on the door of your friendly GP and get the ‘Shingles’ jab and whatever else is available to avoid a nasty illness that can have prolonged unpleasant consequences.

 

We were brought-up in the golden era of medical education with Price’s Text Book of Medicine and Bailey and Love’s Surgery that remained the last word in their respective fields. Nowadays when medical information is required the first port of call is the internet. As the man on the street (including myself) would say “Google it”. Even for the most obscure information about Radiology I now reach for the wisdom of “Google”. Towards the tail-end of my career I was performing a testicular ultrasound on a curious young lad. He was constantly interrupting me with a barrage of questions disrupting my train of thought. I was indeed amazed at his knowledge of anatomy and pathology which he proudly said was acquired from the internet. I politely shut him up. His knowledge helped me to explain things to him much more easily than otherwise.

 

We are all in search of that Fountain of Youth.  Longevity is something to be earned and perhaps inherited too. Although the world is full of advice on how to do it,there are never any guarantees. The internet is a repository of such information. Despite all that, there comes a time for each of us to call it a day.It is a fact of life that either my wife or I will depart this world first, leaving the other a life full of memories. No one can prepare adequately for this, except by being aware. Then, in our home, every room will tell a story, and every picture and piece of furniture will be laden with memories. It will be our children and grandchildren who can soften the blow. Time, as they say, is a great healer.

 

Covid-19 has changed the world at least for the foreseeable future. Its eye watering cost financially and emotionally will set us back for many years. For us older folk this poses an extra tier of healthcare. Sadly, this has kept us away from our own families. I have travelled abroad every year for some winter sunshine but that will have to be on hold. Sports are not the same without spectators. It is sad to see the Lords Cricket Grounds barricaded and Tennis at Wimbledon cancelled.

 

Despite its many drawbacks the lockdown has given me an opportunity to sit back and relax and let the world go-by. Although now in retirement, I was rushing everyday. I know not why!! Much of it for mundane tasks which surely can wait. I have taken this opportunity to reflect on what’s gone and to take stock of the present. Much of the future is beyond my control but there are events that need a plan, if you get my drift. We all wish for a happy ending.

 

Nostalgia is an overwhelming emotion. The volume of archived memories increases with age, as does the desire to reach into them. When awake at night, there are always the inescapable journeys to the past. The happy times spent with my parents are priceless. Those special joys of my schooldays bring such great pleasure. Medical School, despite the hard work, had its unique brand of youthful fun.  Building a career, and bringing up a family, brought their own enjoyment - and heartaches. Delving into the past can also bring sadness, bitterness and grief. Regret is the demon I don’t want to carry with me into the future - but that isn’t easy.

 

I must take you on my personal journey through life, which has fashioned my own philosophy. I was born a Christian, was baptised and confirmed, and went to a Methodist school. As a schoolboy, it was a wonderful existence. I had someone to take my troubles to.There was a code of ethics in the Bible. As a child it is great to think, as we are taught, that God looks after and cares for us. When I saw death, pain and suffering while at medical school, I began to question all this, and found it hard to accept the existence of a God.

Then I looked at Buddhism, and found its philosophy appealing. One doesn’t have to be a Buddhist to practise some of the teachings. Meditation and mindfulness can help to overcome the stresses and strains of life. I don’t believe in rebirth. When we die we just go up in smoke into nothingness just like ‘Nirvana’. I like to enjoy the good things in this world, as we will not pass this way again. I will continue to hang on to my Christian upbringing and discipline which was such a huge part of my childhood.

 

We all need a place to relax and wind down. Being in the big city still I’m not far away from nature. We all need to know where we came from and where we belong. Regent’s Park in London is my daily refuge. It is just 5 minutes walk from my apartment. Lovingly cared for by a team of horticulturalists it is so beautiful any time of the year. Its cascading water-falls and the serenity of the lakes provide a peaceful environment to meditate and be mindful. The bird life changes with the seasons as do the flowers and the foliage. There are wooden benches strategically placed to appreciate and enjoy the scenery around.

 

The weather in the British Isles is uniquely difficult to predict. There is something very soothing for the soul in looking at the sky. On a sunny day the patterns created by the clouds is breathtakingly beautiful. This is enhanced by the trails left behind by a myriad of aircrafts. I’m reminded of an ancient rhyme often repeated by mariners.

“Red sky at night, shepherds' delight.

Red sky at morning, shepherds take warning”

 

I reach for the wisdom of Rabindranath Tagore:

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”
― Tagore

 

I am forever mindful that life can change irrevocably in a single beautiful gasp!!