Dil Tadap Tadap | Lara's Theme (Live) - Shillong Chamber Choir ft. Vienna Chamber Orchestra

In case you have not seen and heard this before. I am sure you'll enjoy this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=UOZiXa0ctxo

 

ANOTHER SUPERMARKET EXPERIENCE - Sent in by Razaque Ahamat

 

It happened this morning at the local Supermarket when we were doing our shopping. I spotted a bargain when I saw two of my favourite 'tipple'---- namely "Lagavulin" and "Talisker" which are Whiskies from the Island of Islay and Isle of Skye off the west coast of Scotland. Those who have tasted these whiskies will know that they have a unique taste of their own.They were at almost half price----- I do not miss such a bargain!!!  I bought a "FEW"  and along with the rest of the shopping, went to the check-out.

 

While waiting to pay for the items, somebody from behind said" Salam-u-alaikum" in Arabic meaning --'Peace be with you' I looked over my shoulder and to my horror I found the IMAM -- high priest from the local MOSQUE!!!!  I uttered " wa -alaiku- salam" meaning 'Peace be with you too'

 

Now I was in a "SPOT" --- to say the least. Quickly covered the shopping with carrier bags and turned around my trolley -- it was all great amusement to my wife!!! I beat a quick retreat saying that I had forgotten something and not before glancing into the Imam's shopping to see if he too had not missed out on the bargain of "BARLEY WATER" and watched from a distance till the Imam finished at the till and went away and ......  I paid for my shopping.

 

It WAS a CLOSE SHAVE indeed!!!

 

Then we came to the car park to get home when I found the Imam had parked next to me!!!--- cannot get rid of the bugger!! He was talking to two young men with long beards and a woman fully covered all over in black so called "dress" with only a slit for the eyes --- she resembled a BLACK POST (PILLAR) BOX. I just wondered if they were being preached  or at worse radicalised!!!! 

 

The Imam wanted to know from me if I got what I wanted? I replied that I got my" BARLEY WATER" cheap and carefully packed our shopping into the boot of my car with a chuckle and making sure that they were out of sight from prying eyes!!

Came home and had a good 'shot' of the "BARLEY WATER" IN CELEBRATION!!!.. 

Scotch with 2 drops of water - Sent in by Sriani Dissanayake Basnayake

 

A lady  goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders  a Scotch with two drops of water.  As the  bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on  this cruise to celebrate my 80th  birthday and it's today.'  The  bartender says 'Well,  since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a  drink.  In fact,  this one is on me.' 
As the  woman finishes her drink  the woman  to her right says 'I would  like to buy you a drink, too.'  The old  woman says  'Thank  you.  Bartender,  I want a Scotch with two drops of  water.'  'Coming  up' says the bartender .

As she  finishes that drink, the man to  her left says 'I would  like to buy you one, too.'  The old  woman says  'Thank  you.  Bartender,  I want another Scotch with two drops of  water.'  'Coming  right up' the bartender says.

 As he  gives her the drink, he says 
'Ma'am,  I'm dying of curiosity.  Why the  Scotch with only two drops of  water?' The old  woman replies  'Sonny,  when you're my age,  You've  learned how to hold your liquor... holding  your water however, is a whole other  issue.'
   
 

'OLD' IS  WHEN.... 

Your  sweetie says 'Let's go  upstairs and make love' And you  answer: 'Pick one,  I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS  WHEN... Your  friends compliment you On your  new alligator shoes And you're  barefoot!

'OLD' IS  WHEN... A sexy  babe or hunk catches your fancy .... And your  pacemaker opens the garage door!

'OLD' IS  WHEN.... You don't  care where your spouse goes .. Just as  long as you don't have to go along.

                                                                                            

  

'OLD' IS  WHEN... You are  cautioned to slow down By the  doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS  WHEN... 'Getting  lucky' means you find your car .. In the  parking lot.

'OLD' IS  WHEN... An 'all  nighter' means not getting up To use the  bathroom.

AND 'OLD' IS  WHEN..... You are  not sure these are jokes!

Madeline's Hens,,,,,,,, Sent in by Sriani Dissanayake Basnayake

 

Madeline was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young 'pullets' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

As this took a lot of time, she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Madeline's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Madeline's amazement, old rascal Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring! He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one!!

Madeline felt so proud of old Butch, she entered him in the Dowerin Show. He became an overnight sensation among the judges and the judges not only awarded old Butch the "NoBell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a cunning politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

So, vote carefully at the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

Gynaecologist's Assistant - Sent in by Sriani Dissanayake Basnayake

A man went to Harley Street in London having seen an advertisement for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.    Naturally interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read;   "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist. "   "You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private   regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're   ready for the gynaecologist's examination."   "The annual salary is £65,000, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Manchester " " My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man.     "No Sir, she answered.  That's where the end of the queue is..."

Zita's Logic by Zita Perera Subasinghe

"TAKE AND DOUBLE TAKE"!!!. - Sent in by Razaque Ahamat

 

Sriani's posting and Mahendra's reply prompted this one. Or is it TWO?
 

Firstly,TAKE ONE.. most of you may have heard this one as it was in all  the News Media, the world over.

 

This really happened during the 9'11 event when the Twin-Towers in NY became "Ground Zero "!!
 

The husband of a married couple had gone to work as usual at the Twin Towers. The wife had attended to household chores /shower etc... and switched on the TV and to her horror saw the carnage that had happened. She immediately rang her husband on his mobile --more in hope!! ..... in tears.!! Out came the reply saying that he was at his desk and wanted to know what the problem was. He was "blissfully"!!! unaware that his work place and his desk were now just RUBBLE. He was "hard at work".... with his MISTRESS.!!! 

OF COURSE DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS FOLLOWED.

Secondly is an innovation of mine!!!---DOUBLE TAKE.....
 

There were two "best mates"--- in fact childhood mates called Ivan and Stephen. The families were very CLOSE...TOO CLOSE Indeed. One day Stephen rang his wife and said that he was playing POKER with Ivan's at Ivan's place!!!! His wife very eagerly replied to carry on" POKING and to take his time" and phone back when he is leaving Ivan's house.so that she could 'warm' up his meals AND OF COURSE GET RID OF IVAN!!!!!. 

IN fact Stephen was BONKING Ivan's wife .........at the same time Ivan was doing the same ...BONKING Stephen's!!!!!!...... ONLY Stephen's wife knew the exact "set-up"

I suppose Alls well that ends well!! AND HARMONY PREVAIL.

OR "IS IT EVEN -STEPHENS"....

 May be "IT IS IVAN'S -- STEPHEN'S" !!!!!!!