FUNNIEST QUOTES ABOUT AGEING
Sent
by Suriyakanthie Amarasekera
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. Mark Twain
"As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"If you want to know how old a woman is, then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Unknown
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I’m 59, and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Regrets
are the natural property of grey hairs."
Charles Dickens
I felt it was time to have some humour and what subject is better than old age! Thanks Suri. I hope others add to this as we all need a good laugh these days.
ReplyDeleteThank you Speedy for publishing.. I sent it to you for you to enjoy .. bit it's a great idea to share with our beloved batchmates... We all need something to smile about these days !
ReplyDeleteSuri
Suri
ReplyDeleteThank you for that wonderful collection of humour. Amazingly funny but many of them are so very true. It is certainly good to laugh about our plight, than moan.
People recognise I am old and this has many benefits. As I don’t drive now, public transport is my vehicle. There are designated seats for the seniors which I always get through the kindness of the young. I now wear a flat cap to show I’m old but since of late, even when I forget to wear the cap I get a seat. The many lines and furrows on my face gives it away. I do have developed a special gait to drive home the point.
Whenever I got the BMJ, in my younger days I read the research and the special articles but now I tend to go to the obituaries first as I do when I read the Sri Lankan newspapers online.
Planning ahead is now done mostly for the next week and never for the next year.
My alcohol tolerance has been abysmally reduced and shamefully low.
But with all that I’m grateful to see the dawn every morning.
Hi Nihal Thanks for your response. I still drive during day time, but not after dark. Then I rely on one of my children to drop and pick me up which they willingly do. If they are unable
Deletewe book a cab but not when I'm travelling alone . There has been a spate of violence against women in the recent past In SL One horrific incidence when a female doctor was sexially assaulted in the quarters and one even more horrific where a female in her seventies living alone in a big house in Colombo 7 was raped and killed by the chap who used to do casual work for her.
So I often have to give up attending evening functions.
Like you Mahendra does not drive at all.
I am impressed that they actually let you sit on seats
reserved for seniors. I clearly remember standing in a railway compartment in UK, when I was heavily pregnant, in 1977, with a single seat ( I think it was a guards compartment, this was rush hour and the train was crowded )being occupied by a young man till the guard came and asked him to give the seat to me !!!
I think you are to be congratulated in being able to cut down your liquor consumption... Mahendra has been able to give you the habit of a daily sundowner after much struggle though of course he enjoys a social drink iwhen in company.
Take care
Suri
N
A few more from the Web:
ReplyDelete1. What is a prize old people can win for aging?
Atrophy.
2. Old age makes us great multitaskers. Why, I can sneeze and pee at the same time!
3. One benefit of old age is that your secrets are always safe with your friends … because they can’t remember them!
4. Now that I’ve gotten older, everything’s finally starting to click for me. My knees, my back, my neck …
5. What goes up but never comes down?
Your age.
6. I called the incontinence hotline recently. They asked if I could hold
Speedy
DeleteYour contribution is really funny. Made me laugh out loud.Had to be careful not to multi task!!!!! . Suri
Hi Suri
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed your post with its well selected and amusing quotes. Thank you.
A few years ago, a close friend of ours started calling me Mr Young whenever we visited them; I felt flattered. Later on our friend explained to me that this was because I had the habit of repeatedly saying, “Let’s go home! (gedara yang)” to expedite the Sri Lankan farewell.
I was a bit disappointed to hear that this is how the expression Mr Yang/Young originated.
Hi Bora You are "Yang " looking and agile. You dance like a teenager!
DeleteSuri
Suri
ReplyDeleteThanks for your 'Funniest quotes about ageing'
I think we need this types of quotes often for us enjoy our old age.
I think almost all of us are Octogenarians, about to leave this universe, let's enjoy life and make, 'Hay while the sun shines'.
I too don't drive and hardly go anywhere alone now, but I make it a point to meet friends and relatives some how.
We should be careful when travelling as we are old. When I went for my daughters Convocation in London in September 2024, my son dropped me at the Airport, I took a direct flight to London, with Wheelchair assistance and my daughter picked me up at the other end.
It is not only communicating with eachother via phone but also meeting, which make a world of a difference.
This will make our brain more active.
All the best Suri.
Chira