An ode to friendship

By Nihal D Amerasekera

Friendships are one of life’s golden gifts. Those made in our youth are specially gilded to last a lifetime.It is hard to replicate that closeness in associations later on in life. In our life’s journey we find companions who walk with us a short way and move out of our sight whilst others remain with us longer. Unlike for our parents, moving far and moving abroad has become common place now. With smartphones and social media keeping in touch is so much easier. But still there are a myriad of factors that keep us apart. Above all there must be the will to maintain contact. How many of those who started Med School with us keep in touch now? There are a large number who prefer to move on in life, or be reclusive and remain incommunicado.

This is not a eulogy for Lubber as he is very much alive but an appreciation of our friendship of many years. After five gruelling years in medical school we worked together for another four years in the Central Blood Bank in Colombo, a large slice of our young lives. We managed to hang on to our friendship despite the distances, careers, family commitments and the many bouquets and brickbats of life. It is indeed a tribute to our friendship.

I recall most vividly the legendary Law-Medical, the intrusion into the cricket match at Reid Avenue and questioning the umpire. The gory details are best forgotten and buried deep. I am certain a résumé is analysed and remembered at reunions and gatherings after a generous dash of the social lubricant. At our final year trip, Lubber’s memorable performance took centre stage. In the chill night-air he wore just his tie and nil else. When asked who he was, he said “I am Argyle Robertson’s pupil”. Even now, this legendary moment never fails to raise a smile. That was a fitting farewell to a journey none of us will ever forget. When this episode was  mentioned previously, Sanath Lamabadusuriya commented this took place in Kurunegala and not in Badulla, as I recalled. I would most certainly trust his memory than my own.

My first meeting with Lubber in med school was perhaps unremarkable, hence lost in the fog of time. I do recall Sunil De Silva’s long tale of how  his classmate from Royal College ,Asoka Wijeyakoon, came to be called Lubber. It seemed Asoka’s teenage swagger on terra firma was like that of a sailor. The term ‘land lubber’ was shortened to lubber. Although most plausible, Sunna’s stories were told with a poker face blurring the fine line between fact into fiction. Despite being at either end of the alphabet we met up in the common room for a tea and a chat.The common room was a very special place for us medical students. It was our own retreat and shelter from the storms of Faculty life. I have often watched him deep in thought over a game of chess with Satchy. He joined in the conversations with his endless stream of wise-cracks. Listening to the repartee between Chanaka Wijesekera, Sunil De Silva and Lubber Wijeyakoon was spontaneous comedy at its best. It moved from the ridiculous to the farcical. The ‘one liners’were brilliantly intelligent and hilariously funny. Those were indeed touches of genius taking the noble art of comedy to a whole new level. I wish we had smartphones to record those treasures for posterity. Their quick wit and humour must swirl in the ether of that common room, despite the years. The Faculty years passed swiftly. After the ‘finals’ we were thrust into the lions’ den of the wider world. Then marriage and careers usurped our lives. None of it was easy!!

I was thrilled to see that familiar swagger entering the Central Blood Bank in Colombo when I was a Medical Officer of that institution in the early 1970’s. We clicked instantly. I was then a drifter at a loose end and was grateful for his company. I do recall our evenings at some of the popular bars discussing philosophy, politics and religion.Those were heady days of idealism, ambition and youthful optimism.There were occasions I joined Lubber for company in his blood donation programs in the out-stations. One that stands out is a trip to Galgamuwa on the road to Anuradhapura. We stayed at the DMO’s quarters as he was away. Emptying his fridge of the amber nectar we chatted deep into the night when we heard a group of girls singing “Oyathamai Bambaketu ekkana”. In our inebriation they sounded like a choir of angels. Then again, we spent a memorable evening in the verandah of the Nikeweratiya Rest House polishing a bottle of Molasses discussing the world, politics and our ambitions and aspirations. These images still haunt me.

I recall the dark days of 1960’s and 70’s with sadness. Sri Lankan politics was in turmoil. The economy was in a perilous state. Our lives and careers were at a standstill. Those were shambolic and difficult times for the people. There were strict import restrictions. The roads were packed with ageing vehicles. “Tighten your belts” was the popular ‘sound bite’ of the government. We soon became accustomed to the vagaries and the intrigue of Sri Lankan politics. During this chaotic period the country experienced a massive brain drain. Jobs were scarce, and many left for greener pastures abroad. I remember it so well. Mahendra Gonsalkorala, Lubber and I debating the pros and cons of leaving Sri Lanka.We couldn’t see an end to the political and economic crisis that crippled our country. They were emotionally charged discussions that left us in a wilderness of confusion.

After much deliberation we joined the rest of the herd for greener pastures abroad. Although I had agonised about it, I never realised the enormity of that decision. My youthful exuberance protected me from the fear of reality. I was immensely fortunate to have Lubber to travel with me to the UK. We boarded the Swissair DC10 and comforted each other until our transit at Zurich. We were dying for a beer. Money was in short supply and we had to syndicate to share a bottle that calmed our nerves. After a change of plane we disembarked at Heathrow airport. I can still remember that cold and wet June afternoon in 1974. There on the concourse of the airport we said our goodbyes and parted company. Lubber disappeared into a Psychiatric Hospital in the heart of Sussex. I started my journey in Pathology in Chase Farm Hospital in Greater London. We kept in touch and met up a few times. Each time we had some drinks and listened to our favourite Sinhala music of Victor Ratnayake which brought back fond memories of our final few years in Colombo. To be frank it was a tough time for us in the UK too. As we drowned in our careers and family obligations there was hardly any time to keep up with friends.There were long periods of silence and we never met on our journey up the professional ladder. When I went into the abstract world of Radiology, Lubber became a respected Consultant Psychiatrist in a London Hospital.

It was a couple of decades later I met Lubber again this time in his pad in London when he cooked a meal for me and the family. We talked a lot about times past, of mutual friends and the pleasures and perils of life. After we parted our contact remained an occasional phone call, out of the blue, and a warm query on how life treated us. It was a shock to our system when our children left the nest. He is rightly proud of his two sons who are Consultants in the National Health Service.

The years rolled by as retirement loomed. Our careers ended as it started with uncertainty and some trepidation. The next I heard of Lubber was when he left the UK. A little birdie told me he was living it up in Bangkok and spending his retirement in ‘well earned’ luxury. No doubt it’s everyone dream to be happy. I thought I had lost contact completely until one day, on a whim, I used an old phone number and sent him a message on WhatsApp.  A few days passed and to my surprise I got a reply. His messages were brief and always after a prolonged latent period.

In May this year I booked a family holiday in Bangkok. Lubber now spends time in Colombo and Bangkok. He made a special effort to be in Bangkok during my visit. He invited us to stay with him in his condominium. Getting into a taxi and finding a location in Thailand is fraught with difficulty due to language problems. Never being a part of the British Empire, Thai people do not speak much English. We felt it would be best to meet near my hotel. It was such a pleasure to see him again, a little more grey and more rotund than I knew. He decided to stay the night at my hotel in the best top floor room. We started a drink in his room and caught up with the lost years of friends, family and our life’s journey. Lubber is tremendous company with or without a drink and has retained many of his formidable intellectual gifts. As always after a drink his wit and humour takes over. We had a fine seafood dinner followed by more drink and chat. Unlike the hard-nosed yours truly, Lubber has a certain empathy for the less fortunate and the downtrodden. He rewarded the waiters and waitresses most generously.  We parted company not knowing if we would ever meet again.

 After several months I was pleasantly surprised to hear from him in London. He was staying in a hotel near Moorgate where we decided to meet. It was wonderful to see him again. Lubber is as always upbeat about life but very aware of the ironies, mirages and illusions that we all must face. Now more than ever life’s oases and their many pleasures drift past us far too quickly. We spoke for just a couple of hours as he had to take a taxi to Heathrow Airport for his return to Colombo. As I think about life, I am convinced more than ever, our lives are a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside and enigma – to misquote Winston Churchill.  

When I look back the memories of 50+ years, Lubber is a kind, sociable friend and a unique human being. This is not an attempt to deify him. He too has the same faults we all possess. As in his youth Lubber is extraordinarily frank, fears no one and still retains an aura of gravitas from his ‘consultant’ days. He has the remarkable ability to bring to any discussion a huge degree of intelligence derived from lateral thinking. I am ever grateful we were able to meet. Let us hope we have the good fortune to meet again. It is said we go back to the beginning as we get to the end. There will not be a better place than Colombo for the next time. As always,we must leave that to the awesome forces of destiny.
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Note from the Blog Administrator:

In response to some of the comments, and specifically for the benefit of Rohini Ana and Zita who cannot place or remember Lubber, let me introduce him as best as I could. This is in addition to Sumathi's excellent description of the man. He is in the decent looking pictures below, all of which were taken on the all male Final Year Trip in 1966.

I have another one which I don't want to show right now, although I did include it in my powerpoint presentation at a recent Batch Reunion. Reunion was different because it was a restricted audience unlike the blog which is in the public domain.

After all, a picture is worth a thousand words!

Start - Lubber is squatting on the ground between Yoga and Lameer

Kegalle - Lubber is standing in the second row between VPH Rajapaksa and Speedy

Kegalle - Squatting behind ND, Lama and Bertie Nana 

Kurunegala - Lubber is behind Jaimon and Chandrasiri (Johnny) 

Badulla with "The Igloo" HO's quarters in the background. Lubber is squatting behind Lakshman Jayasinghe and Yankee Bala 

Hatton - near the place where we were entertained by the senior doctors in Hatton. Lubber is standing between Nalin Nana and Chanaka