Tidbits for the week
Srianee Dias
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.
It’s not my age that bothers me, it’s the side effects.
I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day
As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of .. it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.
I haven’t
gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the Produce Department trying to open
this stupid plastic bag.
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If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four U.S. presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
It turns out that being a ”senior” is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently.
God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round…and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.
I put my
scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until
it apologizes.
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My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
Apparently, RSVP-ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found “Mute” by now.
So, you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it?
Sometimes
the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a
dumbass.
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There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is, once you get old you stop being polite and start being honest.
Performance isn’t there, but desire is overwhelming.
I used to think that drinking was bad for me...so I gave up thinking. (added by MG)
Srianee- "I enjoyed
reading it hence sharing with some dear old friends—grouchy ones included!!
Have a laugh and enjoy the weekend".
Please feel free to add your ones
Srianee, loved your collections of snippets! I hope friends will contribute more to keep us all entertained.
ReplyDeleteHello Srianee
ReplyDeleteThese are simply brilliant. Tidbits are too common a word to describe the beauty of this collection of gold nuggets. I wish I can remember some of them. My memory is also like a deodorant. It’s not there when I need it most. Thank you.
Dear Mahen and Nihal,
ReplyDeleteI cannot take credit for any of these. A good friend (a kindred spirit) forwarded these to me on WhatsApp and they really connected with me. I realized that I have actually adopted some of these behavior patterns. When I passed it on to our own WhatsApp group, Mahen thought they were worth sharing on the blog.
These were two that I really liked:
"My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there."
"As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of .. it will be misspelled and have no punctuation."
Here are a few more from one of my favorite writers, Oscar Wilde:
"Women have a far better time than men in this world; there are far more things forbidden them."
"There is only one real tragedy in a woman's life. The fact that her past is always her. lover, and her future invariably her husband."
From John Cleese:
"We don't know where we get our ideas from. What we do know is that we do not get them from our laptops."
Oscar Wilde was probably the greatest wit ever.
DeleteHis most memorable sayings include ‘ Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go’.
‘There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about’.
‘The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it….I can resist everything but temptation “
Kumar
Dear Srianee,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this treasure trove of wit and humour. I will savour and relish it like a vintage cognac again and again.
You and our colleagues would be familiar with Art Linkletter and his book “ Kids say the darndest things “. Well worth a read. I also found “Laughter the best Medicine “ in Reader’s Digest very amusing and entertaining. This is also available in book form.
Looking forward to many more from you.
Kumar
I am pleased that so many interesting comments are being posted, Thanks, Srianee, Nihal and Kumar.
ReplyDeleteOscar Wilde is certainly unique, His wit was sharper than the finest arrow. I like to quote from a book I read recently. If you haven't read "Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus", I urge you to do so. Some quotes;-
. “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”
(response to discussion on why Evans did not marry Elizabeth.
"Bridesmaids dresses are made to make them look unappealing; that way the Bride looks better than usual"
"While stupid people may not know they’re stupid because they are stupid, surely unattractive people must know they’re unattractive because of mirrors"
The clever dog in the story thinks "It was a well-known fact that humans believed that they were the most intelligent species on Earth, and yet , they were the only animals that willingly inhaled carcinogens"
"Normal is not like the weather. You can’t expect normal. You can’t even make normal. From what I can tell, normal may not exist!"
"Wakely believed that some things needed to stay in the past because that was the only place they made sense"
Finally from Oscar Wilde (resonate with you Kumar
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
A humorous but profound reminder to embrace individuality.
"I can resist everything except temptation."
Wilde's clever take on human desires and weaknesses.
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
From Lady Windermere's Fan, this line reflects his mix of cynicism and idealism.
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
Wilde often commented on the contrast between mere existence and truly living.
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
A sharp, playful look at revenge and forgiveness.
‘I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying’
‘hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do’.
“America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilisation in between”
Thank you very much Srianee, Mahendra and other friends for their very interesting contributions, which I enjoyed reading. I am posting a few others; my apologies if you have come across these earlier because none of these are original.
ReplyDeleteMistakes
1. Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes- Oscar Wilde
2. The only people who do not make mistakes are those who don't do anything -Kelving Wong
3.Mistakes are part of the due one pays for a full life-Sophia Loren
4.Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary for a worthwhile achievement-Henry Ford
5. All men make mistakes but it is only the wise men who learn from their mistakes-Winston Churchill
6. Creativity is often blocked by trying to be perfect. Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep- Tony Robbins.
7. To err is human, to forgive divine-Alexander Pope
8. Being second best is being the winner among the losers.-Anton Senna
a)A good speech should be like a woman's skirt. Long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest-Winston Churchill.
b) Silence of good people harm the world more than the bad -Napoleon Bonaparte.
c) You must be the change you wish to see in the world- Mahathma
Gandhi
d) Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime, but the teacher should be skilled at fishing-John B Mulliken.
e) I am grateful to people who said NO to me . It is because of them I did it myself-Albert Einstein
f) If you are right no one remembers; if you are wrong no one forgets-Anon
g) If we disagree, let us disagree without being disagreeable -Lyndon B Johnson
h) At the end we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.-Martin Luther King
g) Education is what is left when we have forgotten what we had learnt-Albert Einstein
h) If you don't read the news, you are uninformed, if you read the news you are misinformed-Denzel Washington
I) Adversity causes some men to break and others to break records-William Arthur Ward.
j) Rome was a city of stone and I left it as a city of marble -Emperor Augustus
k) I am indebted to my father for living, but to my teachers for living well-Alexander the Great
l) Birth is an ovarian lottery-Warren Buffet
m)It is far more honourable to fail than to cheat- Abraham Lincoln to his son's teacher.
n) The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient whilst nature cures the disease-Voltaire
o) I fear the day that technology will surpass human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots- Albert Einstein
p) If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants-Isaac Newton
q) If you feel pain, you are alive. If you feel other people's pain, you are a human being-Leo Tolstoy
r) The only source of knowledge is experience-Albert Einstein
s) The heights by great men were not attained by sudden flight ,but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.-William Wordsworth
t) There is no saint without a past and no sinner without a future-Anon
u) In the end it is not the years in your life count but the life in your years-Abraham Lincoln
v) Let Medicine be thy Food and Food be thy Medicine-Hippocrates 400 BC
Thank you all for these contributions of wise and witty quotes by wise and witty people! Some were familiar to me, but some are entirely new! I particularly liked what Denzel Washington said. "If you don't read the news, you are uninformed, if you read the news you are misinformed." Very timely! This is why I am now watching the tennis at Wimbledon, instead of some news program!
ReplyDeleteWe now have a stash of quotes that we can dip into, from time to time.
Thank you again.