“ADOLESCENCE” - A REVIEW OF AN EXCEPTIONAL TELEVISION SERIES
A Cautionary Tale. By Srianee Dias.
Thanks to Srianee for this brief but most helpful review. If others want to bring a TV or a cinema series like this to our notice, please send them to me. I am sure our readership will love them.- Speedy
The story is about a young boy who is accused of murdering a
classmate. It is not a “Whodunit” but
more of a “Whydunit” as described in a review I read. Once the first episode was over, I couldn’t
stop. I kept on going, watching all four
episodes. Luckily, I had started my
‘binge watching’ fairly early in the evening.
The story is heartbreakingly simple.
The family consists of hardworking, normal parents, two
teenagers, a daughter, and a son, Jamie.
Like most dads, the father tries to get the young boy involved in sports
and other “masculine” activities, but the son prefers drawing and other
artistic activities. When Jamie was
spending a lot of time on his computer alone in his room, the parents were not
too concerned. After all, that’s what
teenagers do. Their world turned upside
down, however, when the police arrived one day and arrested the boy. The police had indisputable evidence.
The story continues in the next three episodes, focusing on the questions arising from this event. What pushed a young, normal boy to commit such a heinous crime? How does a family cope with such a tragedy? The creators/writers purposely presented the story from the perpetrator’s perspective, probing into his motives and reasons.
I don’t want to divulge too many details of the story. The acting is phenomenal and grips us with
the intensity of their emotions. The director uses unusual camera techniques,
such as a single take for each episode, which makes everything more real. It is
a British production and it is generating a lot of discussion, on the BBC, in the
newspapers, and among the general public. I believe the British Prime Minister
suggested that it be shown in every middle school.
I believe it is not the teenage population that needs to see it, but parents who are out of touch with what goes on in their kids’ lives. We would like to believe our children and grandchildren are safe when they are home in their bedrooms, but are they, really? There are predators and influencers cruising on the internet who mess with their young, still-developing brains and feed them all kinds of corrupting and harmful ideas. Their own classmates sometimes gang up on them and bully them. In the show, there is a critical, interesting exchange between the police officer leading the investigation and his young son, where the son explains to his father the meanings of certain emojis and coded words that young people use. I was certainly unaware of those phrases and terms, most of them derogatory. (I suggest looking up “Glossary of Gen Z slang” on Wikipedia.) One of the terms referred to in “Adolescence” is “Incel” which means “involuntary celibate.”
Many of the readers of the blog are grandparents now, and I
hope you will take the time to watch this series. All of us have to think of
ways in which we can protect our children from these dangers lurking on the
internet. It is very common in the US
for kids to bring their cell phones into the classrooms, and there is much
discussion now on how that can be addressed.
I heard today that the UK is considering banning cell phones from
classrooms. Teachers in the US are
finding it very difficult to teach distracted students. My friends and family who have dealt with
teaching young children in the US say that even second-grade kids come to
school with cell phones. The problem may
be peer pressure and overindulgent parents.
I was amused when someone on BBC News said that parents need to tell
their children, “I am not your friend; I am your parent!” That was a line that I used frequently when
my daughters were growing up! I had no
problem saying “No” to them now and then when it was appropriate. They were
well aware of the lines they were not allowed to cross while they were in my
care.
Hello Srianee,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the interesting review of the popular series “Adolescence”. I have not seen the TV series. We grew up in a different world. There was discipline with a with a capital “D” doled out at home and at school. The important tenets of religion were drilled into us daily encouraging us to show kindness and respect to others in thought, word and deed. As we all know, much of these are important in adult life and have to be taught as children.
I remember with great fondness bringing up children in the UK. My wife gave up her career to bring up the children and be close to them. We both felt it was a sacrifice well worthwhile. As Asian parents we took on much of what was good in the western culture but retained some of our own which we were happy with. The social media and the internet had not hit us yet.
We are now grandparents. I take a back seat and do not interfere with the way the grandchildren are brought up. Advice is given when requested. Now it is our children’s turn to deal with these complex issues.
As I look around, I am deeply saddened by the gratuitous violence available on films and the internet to young children. Successive Governments seem incapable of stopping this. The use of phones in schools is being looked at in the UK. In most Australian states, mobile phones are generally banned in public schools.
There is still helpful kindness in this world. As an octogenarian people offer me a seat in Public Transport. When I carry heavy supermarket shopping there are people offering help to carry them. We tend not to write about the kindness of people but do make it public when wickedness shows itself.
Pardon me for digressing. I enjoyed immensely your well written review. You do have the wonderful ability to hone in on the important issues to make it an interesting read.
Thank you Nihal, for your valuable input and comments. It is important to share our past experiences as parents, As grandparents it is definitely less hands on. I remember my younger daughter telling me (when her children were young) that I could offer advice, or even a critical comment about their child raising methods just once. She was willing to listen, but I couldn't nag them any more about it!! Only once! I thought that was fair.
ReplyDeleteEven if our blog readers are not planning to watch this TV series I hope we can get a discussion going on the challenges of raising children in the modern world with the exposure to harmful content on YouTube, social media , movies and video games. It is a lot more difficult to protect the young from these influences now. They didn't exist when my daughters were growing up. I did have to put my foot down about MTV! I refused to pay for it and they were only able to watch the music videos at the homes of friend. (I admit some of the videos were quite entertaining! ) They watched them mesmerized for hours. Nowadays. we joke that they would never have graduated from high school if we had MTV at home! Aside from kids carrying cell phones to classrooms, which has not been addressed adequately in the US, We need to be aware that young people may not be safe even when they are home if they have unlimited access to the internet and social media. Parents have to establish guidelines and controls. I guess I am on a bit of a crusade about that.
Srianee , A well written review of a series which is generating much debate even down under. I haven’t seen the series yet, but have had access to some of the controversies around it. I am sure our generation can learn from it as well. Thank you
ReplyDeleteThanks Rohini. I hope more people will join the discussion. I think this problem needs parental controls. Perhaps grandparents need to speak up!
DeleteSuri and Srianee, You are absolutely right - “ walking the talk “ is what works , as it is from our example that children learn - not from the instructions they receive. Also, children pick up cues from the parents’ behavior from a very young age - in the first three years of life, considered the formative years.
DeleteThe kindness , mutual respect and love they see around them lay the foundation for the trust, security and bonds we make with our children to get them through their difficult teen years.
The message to children has to be clear - whatever actions they contemplate must stand being examined in the light of day .
As you’ve said, children must feel close and secure enough to discuss their concerns , doubts and fears with the parents from their very early days , it cannot appear suddenly in their teens.
In the same token, in my parenting journey there have been times I have had to honestly share with my children, things I could have done differently ,with more maturity. I have been fortunate they have understood !
Parenting which has always been a path to negotiate with great skill and caution, has become a nightmare in this day and age where there is no limit to the influences from the world at large.
Bunter, Thank you for this very worthwhile post.
Srianee, thank you very much for bringing up this important topic for further discussion. I responded to your email and therefore I will not repeat myself. I will forward it to Nihal and Rohini.
ReplyDeleteI am copying Sanath Lama's comment to me on email.
ReplyDeleteDear Srianee,
Thank you very much for raising this important issue. I have not read your recent contributions to our Blogspot as yet. I will most certainly do so soon. Addiction to screen time is a recognised disease entity which was included in the ICD several years ago. When I was teaching at Rajarata, I came across a Final Year medical student who had been on medical leave for one year because of addiction to games on his mobile phone. He was living alone in a boarding house and lack of company would have undoubtedly contributed to it.
I am blessed with four grandchildren from our three children, the eldest of whom is seven years old. Their parents try to restrict their daily screen time, which are the mobile phones and TV; they have not graduated to laptops/desktops as yet. None of them have their own mobile phones. Whenever I spend time with them, they wish to access my mobile phone.
Another downside of it is the paucity of outdoor activity which has led to an increase in diabetes mellitus,obesity and metabolic syndrome. Consumption of junk food has also contributed to it. When both parents are working they depend on takeaway meals and that is how children are introduced to junk food. Thirty years ago the number of children whom I treated for DM was less than five. Now there is a special clinic for diabetic children at the LRH where over 100 patients attend. Our genes have remained the same and the obvious causes are environmental (food and exercise). It is indeed a very challenging problem for all of us in the future!
Kind regards,
Sanath
Hi Lama,
DeleteI read your comments with great interest. Your story about the Final year med student who cut lectures to " play" with his Cell phone is shocking! One would imagine that by the time they reach that stage they would be more motivated , and have goals to reach. No wonder they call it " Digital Cocaine"
Regarding your comments about life style changes of our children ( in my case grand children)are so true. Through sheer necessity people are relying more and more on fast foods cos both parents are working, and good live in maids are so difficult to get.
I am so glad that at least one of them insists on a "mallung" to be included in his lunch !
Regarding sports you are so correct. Though swimming is included in their school curriculum mist kids don't get involved in our door sports. So I was thrilled when they requested a cricket kit at the beginning of the April holidays and spend a couple of hours in the garden playing cricket. Do hope the enthusiasm will persist.
Above comment is from Suri
DeleteHi Lama,
DeleteI was quite shocked by your information that a Final year med student cut lectures to "play" with his phone. One would think that at his stage in life , he would be more motivated and have clear goals No wonder they call it " Digital Cocaine" !
Your comments about the impact of changes in life style of the present day children is certainly alarming. It's a sad fact that it has become necessary for both parents to work to generate sufficient funds to support the family.Having a live in maid to do the cooking is also getting increasingly difficult. So Fast Food seems to be the answer
I am so pleased that at at least one of my grands insists that a
" mallung" be included in his lunch every day.
Though swimming is included in the curriculum of most schools,and sports like Squash, Tennis, Basketball, Netball , Rugby, Cricket and even Judo are included as Extra Curricular activities in most schools , most kids ( including mine) don't take much interest.
I was so thrilled when my grands demanded a Cricket set at the start of the April holidays. So far they have spent a couple of hours in the garden playing. Hope the enthusiasm will persist
Suri
Suri and Lama, thank you for joining in on this very important discussion. My main purpose is writing this review was to highlight the fact that in spite of our best efforts at parenting and grand parenting, young children these days are exposed to evil forces on the internet. We have to be aware of them, set limits for our children, and protect them as much as possible.
DeleteI am not too concerned about relying on 'take out' food. When my daughters were growing up, I was a single parent. I felt it was more important to talk and listen to them than spend time in the kitchen preparing the evening meal (and getting cranky!) About once every two weeks I would pick up a pizza on my way home. The order was always the same. "One large pizza with half pepperoni and half sausage." I would call the pizza place as I was getting ready to leave my office and the pizza was ready when I got there. One day, I just said "Hello" and the young woman at the other end said "Large pizza, half pepperoni, half sausage." Obviously I had been doing this a little too often!
About getting kids to enjoy the outdoors, it doesn't always have to be organized sports or anything complicated. One of my fondest memories was taking my grandkids for a "nature walk" when they were quite little. We examined anthills and watched the ants scurrying up and down. We looked closely at unusual plants and even had a picnic on the edge of a stream.
Suri, I hope your grands enjoy their cricket in the backyard. I remember playing cricket with my brothers and cousins. We smashed several of my mother's clay flower pots but she didn't bat an eyelid. She was such a good sport.
Nihal’s, Sanath's, Rohini's and Srianee’s comments were most interesting.
ReplyDeleteI believe that we must accept that there is no definite well defined pathway of “right” or “wrong” way to bring up children. Many of us are guilty of such bipolar thinking and do not easily accept that cultural norms are not absolute. Sadly, many religions make us want us to think in that manner. The richness and diversity of opinions make life more interesting! In my view, it is a desirable thing to be open-minded and question religious, cultural and societal views on what is “good” or “bad” and thus achieve a broader understanding of our fellow earthlings.
Respect for all people, acceptance of differing opinions, tolerance, kindness and consideration, displaying love and empathy, caring for people irrespective of their labels such as sexuality, colour, and ethnicity are some of the virtues we should promote in our children through discussion and by example. Religion is certainly a powerful force for goodness, but my goodness! It has done immense harm, too! Those who believe in absolute “truths” through religion are entitled to do so but must never force it on others by even well-meant intentions.
I wanted my children to learn about their fathers and mothers’ religions; I had no hidden desire to point them in the “right path” but left it open for them to question and decide for themselves; values rather than rituals. A vital requirement is to always be your child’s best friend in a way, so that they will have no hesitation in coming to you for advice and confiding in you if they have done something they regret. An angry parent who scolds or disowns the child has signed a lifetime warranty for an unhappy life.
Hi Speedy, I do agree with you thlues ' and beliefs at it is totally important to have a bond of love and friendship with your children. Children are very sharp and soon detect insincerity. There is no point trying to ram down " values " and "beliefs" down their throats. The best way is to walk the talk and really practice what you preach !
DeleteSuri
Sorry Speedy,
Deletetypo error in the above entry. It should read " I do totally agree with you about values and beliefs. It's absolutely vital that you have a bond of love and friendship and trust with your children and in our case grandchildren.Childen are very sharp and soon detect insencirity and double standards.There is no point trying to ram down " beliefs" and "values' down their throats..
The best way to influence them is to " walk the talk" and practice what we preach.
Suri
Suri and Mahen, your comments are truly appreciated. I concur. "Walking the Talk" is really important, as Suri says. Values have to be instilled at a very young age (by example) so that when they become teenagers they already know what is right and what is wrong. Setting strict rules all of a sudden when they are 12 years old just will not work. The "thermostat" has to be adjusted as they grow older and they have to be given the chance to make certain decisions for themselves. Religious instruction is good, but it shouldn't be rigid. Young people will make up their own minds, and we should respect that. I believe in keeping the communication channels open, but young people need guardrails. I was a 'parent' when they were young and the relationship transitioned to a more equal 'friend' status later. Now, I think the roles are reversing. They are becoming the 'parents!'
DeleteHi Bunter
ReplyDeleteAnswering your two questions: You wanted to know if my grandchildren had their own Cell phones and if they were allowed in schools in Sri Lanka. Not at Methodist, Ladies and S Thomas's. which my grands attend. However most International Schools do allow them
Four of my grandchildren who are teenagers have their own cell phones. The twins, who are only 10 years old, have i-pads, but they often wheedle a phone, usually from the grandparents.
Most schools in Sri Lanka don't allow Cell phones
Recently, there were two horrendous incidents in one of these international schools in SL. A teenage couple jumped from the Lotus Tower and committed suicide. About two weeks later, a girl who was a friend and a classmate of the tragic couple also did the same from the same location. I don't know anything about the tragic couple, but I do know the girl who was a class mate of my granddaughter Shanuki before she left Methodist a couple of years ago to join this international school. I've met her several times at Shanu's birthday parties . She was a sweet sensitive kid.
After her suicide, it was revealed that she had been subject to Cyber bullying by her classmates and, what is more horrifying, by some parents and teachers who accused her of being responsible for the suicide of the couple . There were messages on her phone stating hat she knew of their plans and did nothing to prevent it. The poor kid just couldn't handle the pressure and had taken this terrible step.
I know my daughter and son do try to limit the time their kids spend on the phone but it is difficult to monitor when they are in their rooms with the doors closed.
My way of handling the situation is to tell them what my mother had told me when I was a teenager, which I used for my son and daughter.
It may sound terribly old fashioned but it is effective. I've told them that the best way to.check if what they are watching, reading, or doing is right or wrong is to think of me and decide if they could look at me in the eye and share what they've been doing without feeling embarrassed. If they feel even a bit of shame, it's sure to be not right ! It's worked for their parents, and I hope and pray that it will help them too to avoid problems and get into serious trouble Of course it will only be effective if you build up a strong bond of love between yourself and your children and grandchildren from the start.
Suri
Hi Suri, thank you for sharing this horrible, tragic story about the 3 young people who committed suicide in Colombo. These tragedies will occur from time to time if we don't keep track of what our young people are accessing on the internet. This is exactly what the TV series was trying to emphasize. As you say, it is difficult to monitor the content of what the young people are accessing on the internet when they are behind closed doors. The first step is to be aware of the problems that may arise and every family has to figure out their own way. Is it possible to have an 'open door' policy? Young people who are confident and self aware may not get into trouble, but any change in behavior should be a red flag.
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be a great need for psychotherapists in the world today! I like the advice you've been giving your children and grandchildren. They are lucky to have you!
This review beautifully captures the essence of Adolescence and highlights its emotional depth and relatable storytelling. I appreciate how the post explores the complexity of teenage life and the challenges young people face while growing up in a constantly changing world. The personal connection and reflections shared add a warm, nostalgic touch, making the review not just informative but also heartfelt. It’s clear that the series left a lasting impression, and the thoughtful commentary encourages readers to revisit or explore the show with a deeper perspective.
ReplyDeleteHello Iftekhar Ahmed, thank you very much for your positive comment. I don't know you, but I believe you're the only one so far, among those who have commented, who has actually seen the series! I hope it will encourage others to sit down and actually watch the series. Thoughtful, quality television is not easy to find these days. Thank you again, and welcome to our blog!
DeleteI finally got down to watching it, thanks to Srianee. Absolutely absorbing and emotional experience. The acting is brilliant and the cinematography the same. It can be a bit of a shock to the system but as octagenarian veterans I think we can survive it!
ReplyDeleteIt certainly made me think what the current generation is (I think), missing. There is too much dependence of technology, material temptations and living in a virtual reality. The formative years are so important in shaping the final product and cell phones, social media, what the newsmedia suggests as important for children and in general a very material world with less emphasis on values, face-to-face communication have had a negative impact. Power, money, physical appearance, have taken over traits we used to value such as generosity, respect, empathy and love. I know this is a bit of a moan but that is my honest feeling.
Mahen, I am happy that I managed to convince at least one friend to watch this important series. Your observations and "lamentations" echo what many of the other friends have shared in some of the previous comments.
ReplyDeleteMore than watching the TV series, we need to recognize that these problems of overuse and over dependence on technology is a threat to the well -being of the young. We need to figure out ways in which to entice the young people in our midst to take their eyes off their screens and focus on other things. We retirees have time, don't we? Their parents are working hard and probably overwhelmed with other demands. We could do our part and introduce our grandkids and their friends to some of the things we enjoyed as children. Offering rewards (a bit of bribery?) for reading books (followed by a discussion) is not a bad idea. Building model cars, aircrafts or something along those lines? Do kids play with Lego building blocks anymore? Painting, making things with clay - messy but kids enjoy making a mess! Taking them out for the day without their devices? They may like to hear stories of about our childhood. I think there is an important role for us to play...
Agree with you Srianee. I think the message is also to keep in close touch with children so that the parents remain people who are worth emulating and people the children can trust. That strong emotion "my father/mother/grandparent really loves me and cares for me is important.
DeleteAs far as schooling and close friends are concerned, I don't know the answer for those who live in deprived areas with a lot of crime and injustice. The urge to "belong" is very strong in children and sadly the Leaders are those with macho images and the wrong type of behaviour. A decent child may feel isolated and undervalued if he does not confirm to this bad image. I agree with you that the parents have a big role to play and so do the Teachers in schools.
Hi Bunter I do agree with you that as grand parents we do have more time on our hands and we need to try get the grands away from their devices as much as possible.
DeleteI've started playing 304 regularly with my older grands and we spend a couple of hours together each day.They are getting quite good at it and I have to look sharp to ensure they don't pass signals Indicating the trumps!
The craze with the younger ones is good old " Happy Families" and a new card game "UNO" with several variations . Not only are we having fun but are reducing screen time significantly.
Suri