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Sunday, July 10, 2016

My visit to 'the' Clinic

By Razaque Ahamat


This posting is something away from my garden as the weather is not conducive for that kind of activities, will soon get back as warm/hot weather is long over due-- 'Dream baby Dream'!!!

Recently my GP referred me to The Clinic!!! Let me rest your wandering minds at rest right away. It was not the STD Clinic anyway........ satisfied ????.
In the last few months I noticed that the front of my upper body was getting 'bigger'. In fact my BOOBS were getting bigger and painful!!  The GP thought that it was prudent to get a scan done. So she referred me to The Breast Clinic.

Now my sublime friend, Mahen, you must be grinning away in view of our recent dialogue on my posting referring to my experiences in handling 'Udders'. in my early life!!!!  You must be thinking that " what goes round comes round" & now it has come round to "bite my ASS"---- you will see if you are right!!!

At the Clinic I treated with utmost respect & great professionalism by all staff. The Consultant examined me before I went to be scanned. In the scanning room the Radiographer asked me to 'strip to the waist'. I asked her politely "DOWN to the waist or UP to the waist"??. She replied "We do not scan down there at this unit ,you know" Then she realised that I was a doctor and she said " I should have expected that from a doctor!!. We all had a good laugh and the scan was done in a few minutes. Then, I had to see the Consultant again and she reassured me that it was Gynaecomastia. . She went through my medications and the culprit was traced. This really allayed my anxieties, as earlier I was having visions of me raiding my wife, Farina's wardrobe looking for some 'material' "SUPPORT"!!!!!.

I left The Clinic and on the way out I felt that I needed to visit the toilet for a 'Number One' Went into the Hospital  Visitors' Toilets--- 'top heavy & bottom heavy'----- "Bara-ta-Barae"!!! As I entered the toilets & walking towards the urinals, I saw this guy struggling with his fly down to get his "Gadget / Equipment" out. Of course my imagination was running riot, thinking "Is it THAT BIG" that he has difficulties or is it so small and "lost in the BUSH" that he is unable to find it??? By the time I finished my 'business", the guy had gone!!--- I shall never know the answer ---- I wonder if any of you can throw some light???

27 comments:

  1. Raz
    Visiting hospitals and sitting on the wrong side of the table is a past time quite familiar to doctors of my generation. As to the delayed release of the equipment a sticky zip is often the cause as I found out to my horror and with a lot of visible dribble. Application of WD40 to lubricate the zip worked wonders. Needless to say I had to explain my actions to my wife to reassure her. I will say no more!!

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  2. Thanks ND.
    Once the 'Zip' was lubricated & nothing else??.
    I hope nothing got caught while closing it??.
    I guess not!!
    Not long enough I suppose --- I mean NOT the ZIP!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Raz
      I am reminded of the old adage " you can't teach an old dog new tricks"

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  3. My dear dear Substantial (but not substandard) friend now with reinforced beast plates with Trade Mark "Gin-o-mast-yeah". You never fail to raise my spirits (even without recourse to "spirits"). But seriously, I do hope your dear better half will take you to a decent underwear shop and get you some specially reinforced boobtraps.

    Although not one of my past times, I do know of gents who love to frequent public loos and watch their neighbours while "standing and delivering". Some do this for reassurance ("mine may not be well endowed in terms of physical proportions but I have seen worse") and others do it for a sense of superiority ( "I have seen a whole variety but none coming anywhere near mine"). Of course as we all know, about 3 young fellows (on average) deliver and leave while we struggle with initiation, preparation, delivery and restoration. This is life and is better than retention although we would benefit from another kind of retention, information is what I am referring to of course.

    I shall not dwell on the slippery subject of slips, zips and WD40 as this has been covered quite extensively already by ND. Extent also refer to the wet patch he most delicately refers to as "visible dribble". A word of caution- WD40 is not easy to wash off. if you have had problems, try a mixture of virgin mouse urine with moringa and scotch, it never fails, just like the old vaccuum cleaner which sucks and sucks and never fails or the retired sailor who **cks and **cks but never sails.

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  4. Thanks Mahen for that exhaustive & detailed comments on sizes & shapes of barrels of "Pisstoles", I am not referring to Lugers/Colts/ Smith & Wessons nor the military ones!!. I am sure when you named me 'The Substantial one you only had my torso to go by & nothing else!!.I for one can 'stand' & 'hold my own' despite being a Muslim albeit a lapsed one & have proved myself beyond reasonable doubts.
    Anyway now that I have found the culprit & action taken, things seem to be receding & do not need any 'material boosts nor support'. So, now I can save the indignity of my shopping in the ladies underwear section & save the whispers, glares & blushes of other shoppers and staff!!!.

    'The Substantial One'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That as they say, is that! No more needs to be said my friend. I am happy that matters up front are all under control.

      I do hope you will think of joining the reunion next year. It will be such a boost for all of us (boost, not boobs).

      Much love and best wishes.
      From, SPD

      Who used to be the fastest mouse but no longer

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  5. No one would think that one could be so upbeat and humorous relating a possibly serious medical problem. Glad we are seeing this side of you now, Razaque. During our medical days we were too busy with real boob and other pathologies to study so we didn't see the interesting side of most of our batch mates. Nita

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  6. Thanks Zita or is it 'Nita' as your comments suggests???
    Must be typo!!!.
    I have always taken life rather lightly, often to my detriment!!
    I was rather reluctant/ hesitant / diffident to post this article at first. I was not sure how the 'udder' gender... I mean the other gender would take it. Now that you have quite kindly made the move, I am more at ease now.
    I suppose we are that much more mature now & seen the ups and downs, rough & tumbles of life, we are more amenable to take these things on our stride or even on "on our CHESTS"!!!!.
    I hope by now your recent 'butchered' wounds on your leg have all healed well.

    Best wishes to You, Joe & Family

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  7. Hi SF, I must say that I am a tad disappointed by the lack of participation on the part of our esteemed colleagues in this seminal discussion. Nevertheless, we enjoyed the banter and the rejoinder and that's the main thing as Nita would say! Some comments have been rather trivial but most quite substantial and certainly none substandard! Anyway, here's tae ye my friend!

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Mahen
      There are no trivial comments. All done with careful thought even the ones about the anatomy south of the umbilicus. It all started in the north and slowly drifted south. Lavatorial humour is as old as history itself.

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    3. Aye Laddie! Canna but agree with ye!

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    4. Yes ND,
      Thanks for your tutorial in Anatomy. These days my interest in Anatomy is only is only confined to one area--- a bit of 'naval gazing'--that is why I ignored what was going on above!!. Looking forward for your comments in the future & will be greatly valued & appreciated.

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    5. Mahen my friend,
      I wholeheartedly agree on your comments regarding enthusissism on commenting on postings by our erthwhile collegues, I mean the lack of it. Some think it is INFRA DID to do so, but would read them and enjoy. It is only you, ND, Zita Lucky Abey,yours truely, Bunter, Rohini Ana, & Sriani B --- in that order that seem to have even a semblence of interest in this great and wonderful forum formulated by our Lucky Abey. The rest of the 161, barring of those wonderful departed mates, do not realise the great plesure one draws for this forum in keeping up our most valuable contats alive.
      LONG MAY IT LAST...... THANK YOU LUCKY.

      Delete
  8. Indra,
    I am awfully sorry to have missed you as a regular contributor to this marvellous forum started by Lucky Abey. It was a grave error on my part having enjoyed all those photos of your garden and those of the fine sceneries and of course that of the bird of prey.
    Once again please accept my sincere apologies.

    Razaque

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    Replies
    1. I think we can also add Sanath Lamabadusuriya as an interested party. We had Lucky Weerasooriya for a short while. Can't think of any others at the moment. I think Patas contributed one joke.

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    2. Mahen---- Lucky Weera.& Sanath.
      You are very right Mahen to mention these guys who have contributed so much I am AWFULLY SORRY AND REGRET VERY MUCH TO HAVING NOT INCLUDED THESE GUYS IN MY ORIGINAL COMMENTS. So SANATH and LUCKY WEERASOORIYA Please accept my sincere APOLOGIES. Its all a case of ---- WAYASATA-GIHAMA-EHEMA-THAMAI- case of old age creeping up on me!!

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    3. Raz
      The trick here is not to mention names and numbers. Our memories are not as good as we think. I have learnt this trick the hard way. .........................What did I say??

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    4. Yes ND, I have learnt this as well, but I tend to make the same mistake over & over again!!. Thanks for your advice.
      "Wayasata-giyahama-ehema- thamai."

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  9. There was a fine youtube clip sent by Sanath Lama about Mohideen Beig and his music. Tikiri Meinike Ambula genalla was a song that pulled on my heart strings when I heard it first in those heady days of my youth. His singing was unique due to his South Indian twang. This also brought back memories of IMRA Iriyagolla’s son who sang it so beautifully in one of the Medical College fun evenings. His last posting was DMO Padaviya and I am told he is no more. There is nothing like music to bring back old memories. M.Beig’s son carries on the family tradition!! This is a quiet hint for Mahen to resume his singing for the blog with or without his Mancunian-Wellawatte twang. I couldn’t have given you a broader hint!!

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    1. Yes ND,
      Deva Irriyagolle was a good pal of mine. He was a good Bridge player & I partnered him many a time in our Common Room days. He married Dr. Stella Majudeen -- the first Malay girl to be a doctor. I understand that Deva died following a malignant brain tumour.
      May his soul Rest in Peace & may he attain Nibana.
      " Wa inna lillahi, wa inna illahi, rojoon"
      (To God he belongs & to God he returned)

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  10. "Hint" taken! Nothing like an appreciative audience. I have a few weeks break from all kinds of activities I have been indulging in and shall now resume some of my musical activities. I am a great fan of Mohideen Beg too.

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  11. Another Beig favourite was Rani enko nagi ma pem. It was from a famous Hindi song ' yard kiye' by Hemant Kumar. I wonder if Rukmani sang it too. This was one my favourites in the old days and still

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  12. If you like that song, you will love the same by the late Jagjit Sing. Yaad Kiya Dil ne.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uymgkmY8DTk

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  13. Mahen
    Thank you. It is a superb version and a fine tribute to Hemant Kumar. The new arrangement makes it so much sweeter to the ear.

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  14. Ipida mare yali ipide by WD Amaradeva is a fabulous song. Superb lyrics and so beautifully sung.

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  15. Indeed that song is a classic. I am a great fan of Amaradeva.

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