CUSTOMS AND TRADITIONS
Srianee
Dias
Certain events and experiences in the recent
past have focused my thoughts on a topic which has been buzzing in my brain for
some time. There are certain customs
that we observe at various stages of our life without pausing to question
because “That’s the way it has always been done!” Often the elders in our family circles coerce
and pressure us into following these customs and we cave in!
Yuval Noah Harari writes in his book “Sapiens” (recommended reading, by the way!) how Homo sapiens controlled the behaviour of their species by inventing “imagined realities.” Our ancestors developed myths which resulted in diverse behaviour patterns, what we now call “cultures.” For example, the myths of the divine rights of ancient kings and the power of tribal leaders. This led to rapid cultural evolution among Homo sapiens depending on the changing needs of the species. “The imagined order is embedded in the material world” writes Harari. We created these cultural “rules.” They are not part of our natural DNA.
In contrast, the social behaviour of other species is determined by their DNA and the environment. Most animals living in specific environments behave in ways similar to other members of their species, (e.g. Chimpanzees, elephants, birds, etc.)
On my recent visit to the Amish country in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, I observed the very strict, restrictive customs that the Amish people still observe, dating back to the 1700s, in spite of being surrounded all around by the advances of the modern world. I was especially struck by the rules that governed women’s attire. There is something to be said for living a simple stress-free life, but I am not at all certain if all those rules and restrictions result in reducing stress!
All of us who were born in Sri Lanka grew up immersed in a culture that went back many centuries. Our lives were influenced by customs originating in many cultures; Kandyan, Low country, Tamil, Portuguese, Dutch, British and even American, some of us more than others. Religious traditions have also been enmeshed with the secular.
Those of us who emigrated to lands far away from our birthplace have tried to observe some of those customs and traditions to the best of our capabilities, such as celebrating the traditions of the Sinhala and Tamil New Year. Recently I heard the phrase “You don’t leave your country; you take your country with you.” I believe it was expressed by a guest speaker at one of the SLLS Zoom meetings, and it rang true based on my experience.
Our customs are often adulterated with superstitions and sometimes dictated by astrologers, which has its drawbacks. In my opinion, any custom which is detrimental to any sector of the population needs to be discontinued. (I suspect that some people will vehemently disagree with me!)
There are some traditions that are charming and definitely worth handing down to future generations. I love the tradition of showing respect to elders following the traditional poruwa ceremony at weddings, when the bride and groom offer bundles of betel leaves to their parents, getting down on their knees and bowing down in front of the parents. There was also a time when betel leaves were offered to elders when someone visited the home of an older family member or teacher, but I don’t believe it is being done anymore.
In the villages of Sri Lanka, and perhaps India, there is a tradition of offering a glass brimming with water to the chief guest at an important luncheon, such as at a wedding. I believe it is a symbolic invitation for the guests to begin the meal that is being served. This tradition may also be fast disappearing.
It is at weddings that traditions come creeping out of the woodwork. An interfering aunt (usually!) will begin dictating the “should” and the “should nots” to the bride and groom, and their parents.
I have sat through a 3 hour long Hindu wedding ceremony in the US where the guests kept getting up from their seats, taking turns to stretch their legs, paying very little attention to what was going on. I have also attended a well-choreographed, abbreviated version of the Hindu ceremony where the considerate bride and groom had a friend participating on the side giving brief intermittent explanations of the significance of what was taking place, for the benefit of the (mostly non-Hindu) guests.
A few years ago, when I was in Sri Lanka, I was invited to a family brunch to celebrate the occasion of my grandniece “attaining age,” Accepting the fact that in Sri Lankan culture it was an event often celebrated, I joined the family and sat down to enjoy the goodies which included some of my favourites, kiribath and lunumiris! In the course of conversation, I learned that my grandniece had been kept away from school for a whole week! I almost choked on the kiribath and asked why she wasn’t sent to school? What if she had an important exam that week? The sheepish answer I received from my sister-in-law (the grandmother) was “We have to follow our traditions!” I countered with my argument that the only traditions that are worth following are those that make sense. I’m not sure if I got through to anyone that morning, but I was thankful that my sister-in-law does not have any more granddaughters!
I know that among the hill country Tamils the families get into debt to have grand “coming of age” celebrations that they cannot afford. But, when my educated sister-in-law, who should know better, blindly followed this ancient ‘tradition’ which could have a negative impact on young girls, I was appalled.
In the old days, it may have made sense for girls to be secluded this way because they did not have access to modern sanitary products. But there is absolutely no reason for girls to miss one week of their education in 2021, unless they are feeling unwell. I hope this is one tradition that will be tossed out soon. Doctors need to educate their patients too, because after all this is just a physiological change in a young girl’s life. All she needs is the information and the guidance to be well prepared for the event. Perhaps there are other similar traditions of which I am completely unaware.
To borrow a few lines from the Kenny Rogers
song “The Gambler”
“You’ve got to know when to hold
‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run!”
I would love to hear from my friends about other traditions we need to “hold” and those which we need to “fold.”
I was delighted when Srianee submitted her very thoughtful essay which we both hope will trigger an avalanche of comments! Please don't hesitate to have your say on this fascinating topic. I have a lot of observations to make but I shall hold them back for the moment. Away you go folks!
ReplyDeleteThank you Bunter for your views and information about " Taditions"
ReplyDeleteReminds me of " Fiddler on the Roof"
I do agree with your quotation about Leaving home... You take your home with you" I remember how in the 6 years we lived in England, we observed as many traditions as we could including boiling a pot of milk at the dawn on the New Year ( though ofcourse it was done o the gas cooker and not a " dara lipa "!
Regarding the custom of taking a glass of water to guests to invite them for dinner I believe began because everybody chewed Betel and needed to rinse out their mouth to get the taste of food.... Of course the need is not there now. But the tradition continues and woe betide anyone who actually takes the water glass to their hand , you are expected now just to touch it signifying acceptance of the invitation.
Talking of a glass of water one of the beautiful traditions we practice as Sri Lankans I think is how a bride or a groom is greeted with a female loved one carrying a glass of water with " Pitchha" flowers strewn on top as they step out of the parents home , an event that is usually captured in a photograph. I followed this tradition as a bride 49 years ago as did my daughter many year later.
Regarding your comments about menarche - the physiology of the GU system is fairly well covered in the school curriculum and both my 13 yr old grand daughters were well aware of the facts by the time they were 11+ and they were certainly not kept at home for 10 days . The tradition of isolating the girl and virtually locking her up in a room and not allowing her to see any males has disappeared . The tradition of getting a Dhoby to bathe the girl after 3 days also has disappeared probably because Dhobys are hard to come by ! I remember clearly how I was bathed at our well very early in the morning shivering with cold while she emptied pot after pot of cold water on my defenceless head and shocking me by dashing the pot on the ground at the end. !! Then she gleefully proceeded to unscrew my gold ear rings and pocketed them to my utter fury ! Nobody follow these traditions now. I remember how my mum timidly asking me when my daughter attained age so many years ago... who is going to bathe her ? and I told her I am.. or she is welcome to, because the only other alternative is to put Manique in the Washing Machine!!She was very amused and took on the task herself !
I just remembered.. there is also a custom I would say and not a firm tradition of not allowing a girl to eat fried food and fruit like Pineapple and Mango when having periods . I remember my grand mother saying " Lamayo , Amba Kanna epa witharak noway Amba mulak udin pannina wath epa " which I thought was extreme. I used to very annoyed to see my siblings guzzling my share if fruit
ReplyDeleteMany years later I asked my Obstetrics Colleague about this and they said it's based on rational thinking . Fried food can cause indigestion and aggravete dysmenorrhea , and Mango and Pineapple have haemolytic effects causing menorrhagia ! So our ancestors were wise.
Same goes for the tradition of not sweeping the garden after 6.00 pm.... obviously because of the danger of being bitten by a reptile !!
Srianee
ReplyDeleteThank you for that thoughtful and thought provoking piece to ponder. Before I forget I thought I will quickly pen my appreciation for the Kenny Rogers’ song and those shrewd and sagacious words. He indeed has the deep and husky voice for those discerning lyrics.
Customs and traditions as you have implied is a huge topic with a fascinatingly broad spectrum.
One for the simple end of the spectrum : I remember being told by my elders that when given a drink not to finish the last drops but to leave a little bit. I once discussed this with my pal Razaque Ahamat who in his usual wisdom said “emptying it completely shows if there was more we would have had it. It was like asking for more”.
One for the serious end of the spectrum: I have just spent a wonderful holiday with my 9 year old granddaughter who is intelligent, astute and perceptive well beyond her years. I refer to a myth and a fallacy that is upheld worldwide and in every society, perhaps since the beginning of time, that females are less able and should play second fiddle to men. I know there are serious attempts to change this but the change is too slow. Females are not allowed to drive or even go to school in some countries. I think the countries that uphold these basic human rights should step in to change this. I am glad my granddaughter lives in a country that is fair and moving towards equality.
Now thoughts for the middle of the spectrum but not less important - open for debate: The customs and traditions perhaps have a lot to answer for the way societies have evolved. After so many millennia of human existence we haven’t learnt to share our wealth equally. There are rich and poor countries and rich and poor people in the same country. I realise there are no easy answers for these awkward questions. Is there a substitute for money and should we have countries without borders? Is it fair to inherit wealth? Should a doctor be paid more than a teacher or a farmer. Should religions do more towards redressing the balance? Make education compulsory and free. All health care be free.
Nihal I am taken aback by your statement that you were advised by your elders not to empty the glass when given a drink. My elders have always taught me to finish what I have been given to drink or eat. It is a family tradition to drain the glass and wipe the plate clean We were taught that there are so many starving people in the world so don't serve yourself more than you can eat... Believe me this is difficult advice to follow particularly when you go to a Buffett with a bewildering display of tempting goodies !
ReplyDeleteConsidering draining the glass impolite is definitely not a Sri Lankan tradition ... Probably practiced by affluent Western nations.
Suri
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe you are the last word in SL tradition. I come from the wilds of Kegalle far away from the abode of city slickers like yourself. From my story Razaque too was aware of the tradition which is not a part Western culture. This merely shows the diversity even within the same country and the same ethnic background. Having lived in the UK for nearly 50 years this is not a British tradition.
I agree with you about clearing your plate of food completely as we were taught quite early in our childhood.
I really enjoyed reading your post Srianee. These are some of my thoughts. All of us have 4 major influences and they are Religion, Society, Culture and Politics. I am sure one can think of more.
ReplyDeleteCustoms and traditions affect all these. Customs and traditions can be dispassionately considered as something which has good and bad (I hate the term evil!) to offer. Sadly, many adopt a binary approach. Some regard these as useless, retrograde and barriers to human existence while others venerate them and take askance on being questioned. The truth as often happens, is somewhere in between.
Let me explain. All Societies have customs and traditions and to me the sign of an advanced Society is when these are considered as givens and not to be questioned at all. The true sign of intelligent thought (I don’t mean education by the way as there are many ordinary villagers who are far cleverer than some with a page full of qualifications), is to question. Why should a girl reaching menarche be hidden from male view, why should I go on my knees and worship my parents, why should I compare my horoscope with my intended partner, why should I go and pray when I am ill, why I not completely empty my glass when offered a drink, and so forth. The questioner then deserves an answer which is credible. Ideally it should be based on the scientific method of formulation of the problem after gathering data, formulation of a hypothesis which can be tested, testing the hypothesis and then accepting or rejecting it. This is not difficult sometimes, for example, there is no statistically significant difference in breakdown of marriages with or without auspicious ceremonies, horoscope comparisons etc. But some are very soft effects and have to be taken in the cultural context. For example, I may not believe that the 3 month Daana will benefit my beloved late parents but I know that the bringing together of family members, appreciation of your parents and the provision of a meal to the Sangha (provided they don’t dictate the menu and want chicken!) all have extremely beneficial effects. But insisting on horoscope comparison is wrong and unnecessary, in the current cultural context. No doubt there were some plusses some time ago when comparison also involved suitability in other respects.
Finally, every custom or tradition to be preserved (hold and not fold as Srianee put it) must past the one test that I consider paramount , and that is. Will this promote harmony and peace in the community, or will this promote disunity and harm and will the Society who hold these traditions allow questioning and justification without stultifying efforts to do so. This is especially important when passing of these to the next generation is done blindly. As an example of harm, just consider heretics who proposed “natural” cures for COVID! Any custom or tradition which promotes an ill person to first and foremost pray or make offerings to deities rather than get a Medical opinion will do more harm than good.
I didn’t speak of politics. Suffice to say that politicians thrive on customs and traditions if they bring them more votes. I didn’t speak of religion as it is more controversial.
Sorry! Mistake in this sentence I spotted after posting.
ReplyDelete"All Societies have customs and traditions and to me the sign of an advanced Society is when these are considered as givens and not to be questioned at all2
It should read "All Societies have customs and traditions and to me the sign of an advanced Society is when these are not considered as givens givens but should be questioned" The error is regretted and I take full responsibility for any misunderstanding or pain of mind (or other sensitive parts of the anatomy) incurred by my tardiness.
Firstly, let me thank Srianne and Suri for producing interesting stories about our ancestors did in the fast and now rapidly declining among the town folks. My marriage was not decided on matching horoscopes. Later on her parents consulted an astrologer and discovered they matched extremely well.
ReplyDeleteI never knew that Christians too carried on with the ancient rituals.
Before marriage, my wife was stationed at Polonnaruwa District hospital.On an off day, her friends had taken to see the ruins and they went to see the stone-made Phallus of Lord Siva.In the past see has never seen anything like that before.After I married her,she mentioned about the incident and I told her that she should have told her friends to worship the phallus of their boy friends/husbands instead of worshiping stone image of Lord Siva.
As far as the diehard rituals of keeping young girls, who have started their menarche, people believed that Ghouls and devils were fond of fresh blood and would succumb to evil forces. Onset of darkness was the time Ghouls and devils came out from their hiding places.
Making vows to Lord Paththini when people caught chickenpox and full filling the vows by offering Dana to Milk-mothers was a common ritual, I have witnessed during my childhood. Another common practice was to make vows to Lord Murugan(Kataragama Deviyo)My wife's sister is a firm believer of Lord Murugan and I was forced to visit Kataragama to fulfil a vow, that I did reluctantly, told her not to make anymore vows on my behalf. My wife's youngest had made a vow to Lord Ganapathy(Elephant God)also known as Pulleyar for our safe arrival in Sri Lanka. She was living in Anuradhapura and we visited Anuradhapura to fulfil that vow. As Speedy has mentioned, I have heard that President and a retinue of Politicians drank a decoction made by a quack, in Sri Lanka. Old customs, traditions, beliefs diehard. My Hindu colleagues will be kind enough to correct any mistakes, if I have done, in naming the Hindu Gods.
Suamthi, I think you were typing your comment while I was typing the one way below. Thank you for your interesting bits of information as to why we follow these customs. You will be amazed to know how many Christians consult horoscopes and follow Buddhist and Hindu customs that probably remained in their families in spite of conversion to Christianity.
DeleteYou will be surprised to know that I have a large (3 foot high) bronze statue of Lord Ganesh at the entrance to my home. He is "The Remover of Obstacles" and I bought the statue for its artistic value, but in the back of my mind there is a faint hope that he will remove the obstacles in my life's path!
Sumathi, you make the point about the importance of studying the origins of rituals. Take the example of the custom that was delegated to me at my sister's wedding. I had to wash the shoe of the bridegroom and clean it. All you do is just dab with a cloth dipped in water. I am told (Sumathi can correct me), that this is because in days gone by the bridegroom had to walk mostly barefooted through fields and all kinds of terrain and his feet were invariably muddy. At the moment is seems a stupid thing to do but when the reason is explained and the symbolism strikes you, you understand. Again you continue to do so not just because it is symbolic but also because it does no harm. If you were told to do something ridiulous like cut a firelock of hair, you wouldn't do it.
DeleteThe other important facet is that Man is a very social animal. This invariably leads to behaviour which can gel people and bind people and customs, rituals and traditions are important. But we must maintain a common sense attitude and decide whether to "hold or fold". No person in his/her senses would now support a policy of isolation of a girl reaching menarche. When I questioned this from my Grand mother long ago (Yes! I was always a questioning nuisance!), she said that I am looking at only one thing. Don't forget that a good mother would take this opportunity to make the child understand that she is now entering womanhood and the responsibilities that went with it. It was a sort of one-to-one class. I had some sympathy for her but I didn't accept it.
My lesson is - always be critical and questioning - Always avoid harming others". If a custom is harmless and also makes people you care for happy, go ahead, be magnanimous!
Hi Srianee
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed reading your stimulating post. A good example of the phrase “when leaving the country, take your country with you” is the British planter who emigrated to Ceylon.
With time, the privileged and affluent locals known as the “kalu suddhas” very proudly embraced British customs and traditions.
Tilak D related this story about his friend Dulamba (“D”).
D was a creeper, a trainee planter. During his training period, he lived with his manager, who was not a Britisher but a local.
Dulamba’s manager expected guests to wear a jacket and tie for dinner on Saturdays. The manager set the standard: he himself was attired in a dinner jacket and black tie every Saturday for dinner.
Following one of these formal dinners, the manager summoned D to his room.
The door of his room was ajar and Dulamba caught sight of his manager undressed. Much to D’s amazement his master had not fully embraced British customs! At core he was very much a Sinhala lion, for his intimate wear was a loin cloth (“Amude”). So it seems, a leopard cannot change his spots nor can a Sinhala lion change his loincloth!!!!
Thanks Bora, as usual you have contributed something to elicit a chuckle from all of us!! Great story.
DeleteBora
DeleteTilak D was such an interesting guy and your story brings back many happy memories of our time in the faculty. He had a fine sense of humour and a collection of amusing anecdotes. I recall he was a talented artist. He gave me the impression that something wasn't quite right in his life. I regret very much not keeping in touch with Tilak after 1967. Nevertheless I received info about him from Manik de Silva (Sunna's brother) that life was wasn't easy for him. I have said before of the hair raising motor bike lifts I received from him. When I wanted to pay he said you have paid me with your adrenaline or something to that effect. It seems Dr Kira De Silva's wife still remembers about the impromptu song Tilak sang at the end of appointment dinner about a Dutch girl. Kira's wife is Dutch. Thank you for bringing back memories of a genuine friend and a good man in every sense of the word.
Hi Nihal
DeleteI wholeheartedly agree Tilak was a genuine friend,good artist,could sing,smart looking,dancing skills average(tendency to tread on partners toes), shy but could relate a story well, good sense of humour,likeable and above all very honourable in fact too honourable.
Manik and Tilak were class mates at Royal.Thanks for your comments,much appreciated.
Was that a pun Bora? Loin cloth lion sinhala or Lion cloth and Sinhala "Loin". "May lankawe api sinhayata ingiriseyen kiyanne loin kiyala. Ehema kiyanne ara amude sinhayek wage lassanai"
DeleteI have fond memories of Tilak D. as well. One of my close friends happened to be related to Tilak, and because of that connection, Tilak and I would occasionally chat whenever the opportunity arose. He was rather shy and reserved and unfortunately I didn't see him after we graduated. He was a very nice guy.
DeleteMahen
DeleteWell spotted. Loin and Lion sounds like a pun.I wonder whether the managers christian name was Lionel.
Did you know Dulumba Sirimanna at Royal College,may have been senior to you.
Mahen
DeleteJust for the records,the trainee planter in the Loin cloth story was not Dulumba Sirimanna but another friend of Tilak's whose name i have forgotten.
No worries Speedy , I did understand that it was a slip of the pen as I am sure most others did too . I don't think you caused anyone to get upset.
ReplyDeleteHowever Nihal what ever made you make that rather hurtful comment about my being not the " last word on Sri Lankan tradition ??? I never claimed to be an expert I merely mentioned what I was taught ,! Also why on earth did you refer to me as a "City Slicker" ??????
You have little or no idea how I was brought up and the fact that I attended a school in Colombo does not mean that I did not experience and enjoy village life. Our family spent every School Holiday with our beloved Grandparents in Seeduwa so every year we spent a minimum of 3 months in a village and this continued till I was 18 ie finished my 2 bnd MBBS.
This meant that we roamed all over the village barefoot, went for river baths, bathed at the village well, went fishing in the stream in the middle of paddy fields , went Lotus picking as well as get totally involved with the beautiful people who lived there. Every body was an Aiya, Akka, Mama or Nanda . Climbing gauva trees , and gathering Kadju early morning was a favourite pastime.
I learned most of my values and traditions from my wise and gentle grandmother who lived to the ripe old age of 89 and who used to delight us with her tales of yester year .
Suri, I really don't think Nihal was serious! It was rather "tongue in cheek," I think.
DeleteI second what Srianee said. Nihal is not one for hurting people at all, certainly not intentionally
DeleteSuri, Nihal and Mahen,
ReplyDeleteThank you for getting into this discussion.
Suri, thank you for giving a somewhat rational explanation of the glass of water being used as an invitation to join the meal being served. My older daughter spent 3 months or so in Sri Lanka between her undergraduate degree and starting on her PhD program. During that time she joined Sarvodhaya and went to a village wedding with her team. She was treated as the 'Chief Guest' much to her embarrassment, and the glass of water was brought to her. Fortunately, I think one of the other Sarvodhaya people guided her and she didn't drink from the glass!
Suri, I also remember my youngest aunt standing in front of me with a glass of water as I left my home for my wedding. (It didn't bring me much luck though, Ha!Ha!) On the subject of weddings, both my daughters decided that they and their bridesmaids were going to wear saris at their wedding! My daughters as well as their friends had never worn saris ever in their lives!! I had to track down a seamstress in Connecticut who was capable of making 'fake' versions of the sari (pleats already sewn together) so that the saris wouldn't come undone in the middle of the dancing! (I had nightmares about that!) We were very lucky to find a lovely Italian lady who knew exactly what we wanted.
Suri, thank you also for sharing your experience of menarche. I have vague memories of the dhoby woman giving me a bath. What was that all about? That tradition is enmeshed in the caste system. Although you say that hardly anyone (probably in the cities) is following these meaningless and potentially harmful traditions, I think they still continue in the villages.
Nihal and Suri, you both mentioned the custom of leaving a bit of food on the plate, or not finishing the drink completely. I think that is common in Middle Eastern countries. If you finish everything, that means you desire more! (We need to check this.) In Germany it is considered impolite to leave food on your plate, because that means you served yourself too much. I think that stems from the food scarcities and hardships they faced after WWII.
Mahen, I think the custom of worshipping the parents at the end of a marriage ceremony is not a bad thing as long as the bridal couple choose to do it. It is a symbolic "thank you" as the couple leaves to venture on their own lives.
Srianee, that is exactly the point I was trying to make! I said "Why should a girl reaching menarche be hidden from male view, why should I go on my knees and worship my parents, why should I compare my horoscope with my intended partner, why should I go and pray when I am ill, why I not completely empty my glass when offered a drink, and so forth.
ReplyDeleteThe questioner then deserves an answer which is credible Some of these practices have an historically credible reason or even if there is no such reason, conforming to it might do no harm or may result in something good. Worshipping parents should be taught to the kids not as a ritual but as a way of appreciating them and recognising their senior status with wisdom. Fortunately, the betel giving does not cause harm. If the ritual to show gratitude was to behead a Hen in front of the parents,one would I hope take a different attitude! But as crude as my example sounded, is it very different from those who believe that stoning your errant wife to death is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. That is why I think questions such as "why?" has to be asked all the time and "does it cause harm?" is equally important. Again if my good friend who believes that it is important, nay crucial, that you must wear white and have slippers only at certain times, that is fine as mu doing so makes him happy at no cost to myself. But if he says I must wear gold bangles and a Ruby Ring, then I would look at it differently.
My point about the younger generation to think critically is a very difficult one. Many religious stories are wholly unbelievable, but it is not the "done" thing to question them. Not only that, it is often thought of as rude and unkind to do so and there is a red line drawn. I firmly believe that children should be encouraged to question customs and traditions and they deserve an answer.
By the way, Srianee you are correct about the quote "“You don’t leave your country, but you take your country with you!“ ,It was made by Prof Prof Wimal Dissanayake in his presentation to the SLLS Zoom series with the title LIVING BETWEEN TWO LANGUAGES: PROBLEMS AND PROSPECTS" on the 4th of October last year. He is one of the leading scholars of Asian cinema and Asian communication theory. He is based in Hawaii, USA.
ReplyDeleteSpeedy I agree with you 100% that it's OK to empty the glass when offered a drink. Of course tipping your head back and draining every drop is not good behavior.
ReplyDeleteAs Nihal is of the view that leaving some drink in the glass was a "tradition" , and I did not agree , I took the trouble to conduct a mini survey. I contacted people from different districts Matara, Galle, Ratnapura, Kandy, Gampola , Kurunagala and of course Colombo and all of them ( with no prompting from me ) said that there is no such tradition that they practice and one even went on to say that she would feel insulted and hurt if the glass or cup that she lovingly prepared was not emptied signifying that it was not good enough ! Another observed Oh that's to show your style " Aa style ekata, charthrayak nowe !"
Ladies and gentlemen I rest my case.
Reminds me, we were told by our Amma that when offered a second helping, you must first say "No, thank you" because if you say "yes" you sound greedy. I recall having lunch at one of our posh uncles place and my aunt asking whether I would like some more? I turned towards my mother in all innocence (I was a mere boy) and asked her whether this was the first or second time the offer was made! On the other hand,. my aunt down South in Hikkaduwa always told us to never refuse any amount of offers of helpings as to refuse would be rude and display lack of appreciation of the food! The same applies for drinks in glasses. To leave a little for some meant the drink was not good and for others it meant being well brad and not greedy as only greedy people would drain the glass! You cannot win, could you!
DeleteI failed to say that Amma said it was OK to accept the second offer as it showed you really liked the food!
DeleteTo my dear friends/ One of the dangers of having an open forum like this is the inadvertent or unmeant statement which could make a false impression. Please be careful in commenting and on reading a comment. We have been friends for over 50 years and I am sure we respect each other and understand each other too well to cause any deliberate hurt. Please keep reading, keep commenting and may you all be safe and happy.
ReplyDeleteSuri, Mahen and Srianee
ReplyDeleteThis is literally a storm in a tea cup. I will continue to leave a bit of the drink except when it is whisky or wine. I think we have gone further than we ought to on this issue. None of the comments I have made were done to hurt anyone. Incidentally I am no expert on anything. Some call me a city slicker I take it as a compliment. If the mini survey reveals that it is posh to leave a bit of the drink my elders have done me proud.
This has become a side show taking it away from more interesting and important issues.
I have nothing more to say on this.
Nihal, I am sure we contribute to the blog with good faith, but at times we may deviate from the well trodden tract.
ReplyDeleteSpeedy, the custom of washing the feet on auspicious occasion dates back to ages unknown. Certainly it originated with Hindu Philosophy . Cleanliness was of vital importance. All most all religions, but Christians follow suit. I have seen Muslim travellers on Motorways when stop for a break at Motor way stations, wash their feet on wash basins, which is highly unhygienic, before their scheduled prayers. Non wearing of foot ware is a must in Buddhism, Hinduism, Sikhism and Jainism.
Srianne, seeing the Magnificent statue of Lord Ganesh should bring serenity all the day round. All most all the Hindus prefer to have a statue or a picture of Lord Ganesh in their homes.
That is all I say - ask why and then decide. Reasons for carrying out could be many, including finding a rational basis to so many other reasons which could be very personal. But cause no harm should always be observed
DeleteSumathi, I think act of washing of feet has varied significance depending on the context. When a bride's brother washes the feet of the bridegroom as he arrives (as Mahen described) it may also signify welcoming the groom into the home. (Just a guess!) In the Gospel of St.John in the Bible, the writer describes Jesus washing the feet of his disciples after the last supper, a few hours before the crucifixion. (It is not described in the other gospels.) This act is interpreted as Jesus demonstrating his humility and service to others. (I'm no biblical scholar, so there may be other interpretations.) I know that in the Anglican Church in Sri Lanka this event is commemorated by Bishops washing the feet of some of the church members before Good Friday (I think).
DeleteSumathi, I will have to send you a photo of 'my Ganesh' separately, because we cannot post photos in the comments. After I purchased the statue from a dealer at an antique fair, as I was loading it into my friend's SUV, I noticed that one of the tusks was broken. My friend and I promptly marched back to the dealer's tent and pointed it out. The look on her face was a mixture of amazement and horror, and the unspoken words were "You are from that part of the world, how come you don't know!" What she actually said was "But he is always depicted that way, and the other half of the tusk is in his hand" and sure enough it was there! I asked many of my Hindu friends why this is so, but they didn't know. I later read that in Hindu mythology there is a story that Lord Ganesh was guarding the bed-chamber of Lord Shiva and got into a sword fight with another god resulting in the broken tusk. My statue of Ganesh is unusual, in that he is depicted as a standing, somewhat slender figure, and not the usual seated 'pot bellied' Ganesh. Sumathi, you may be able to add some details to this story.
Hi Bunter ,washing of feet by the bridal couple is a tradition that has been fairly recently introduced to Christian Marriages. I have witnessed it several times , once when my Nephew got married at the Cathedral in Colombo about 12 years ago. It's symbolises the willingness to serve each other. To my surprise I received wedding photos from America of my Grand nephew who is half American who got married to an American girl lasrlt month showing the same ritual... So I guess traditions keep changing.. new one are introduced while some old ones are dropped.
ReplyDeleteWhile on the topic of wedding traditions in the olden days wedding invitations were were made by the brides parents making a personal visit to each guests home and offering a Betel leaf. When printed cards were available still it was the tradition to deliver the invitations personally with or without a Betel leaf. Invitations were never sent by post. Even today every attempt is made to do a personal delivery and just a handful sent by post.I did this for both my daughter's and son's weddings.
While there are some Traditions followed by the whole country, some are practiced only in certain towns.
In Moratuwa no wedding takes place without a " Tea Mesaya " which takes place for one week daily before the wedding. On the 1st day they play the Rabana and start making the traditional sweetmeats kavum. Kokis etc. Every body is welcome .
The day before the wedding they have the " Adara Batha" again all are welcome. These are practiced even today.
Another ancient tradition that thankfully has been abandoned is that the Grooms mother seeking proof of the purity of the bride. I remember a bizzare sight of a woman dancing and singing down de Soysa Rd Rawatawatta , Moratuwa, in broad daylight , waving the "evidence" for all the world to see !!!
Very interesting snippets Suri. I suppose cultures, societies, nations strive to create their own identities and these customs form an integral part. The more unique and colourful, the more likely they are to survive. But like a good curry, there are several ingredients, including (not always) a touch of religion, a smattering of superstitions and a hint of drama. Without these, a lot of interesting social practices would disappear!
DeleteSuri, thank you for reminding us of some of those traditions associated with weddings: The charming and not so charming, as in proving the "purity of the bride!" I like the new tradition of the bridal couple washing each other's feet. I'm wondering if that originated in ancient times (Before Christ) for practical reasons in countries where people walked from village to village along dusty desert roads, and it was necessary to wash one's feet before entering a home.
ReplyDeleteSrianne,I am looking forward to seethe statue of Lord Ganesh,known as Pulleyaar by the Tamil devotees. TDAs far as wedding invitations are concerned, I am familiar with the practice of going with a bunch of betal leaves. It is common among villages even upto now a days. I was opinion that Suri and Srianne were town ladies who did not follow the diehard rituals.
ReplyDeleteDear friends, sorry for the late entry to this very interesting discussion.
ReplyDeleteWhen my eldest sister got married in 1953, I washed the feet of my B-I-L and was rewarded with a Roamer wrist watch, although the tradition was to receive a ring which I very politely refused. I received two more wrist watches when my other two sisters got married.
My father was an amateur astrologer and I had to leave home at an auspicious time whenever I sat for an exam. Of course in England I had to abandon that custom for obvious reasons, but the results were the same! Before all our family marriages, horoscopes were checked so as to assess the compatibility.
Many years ago when I was offered a glass of water during a function in Tangalle, I almost drank it but my wife Buddhika prevented me from doing so!
Bora, I remember Dulamba Sirimanne very well. He always wore long-sleeved shirts; the reason was to cover a large tattoo of the ace of spades on his fore arm. He had tried to remove it by using a strong acid and it was converted to a visible as well as a palpable tattoo because of keloid formation.
I had a very interesting encounter with a palm reader in 1971, which Mahendra has agreed to post on our blog spot later.
Sanath, three wrist watches?! You made out like a bandit! I wonder what Mahen got for wiping the shoes of his brother-in-law? It is interesting that even you were unaware of what you were supposed to do when offered the glass of water. I am learning so much from these comments.
DeleteSrianee, I got a gold sovereign. No idea what happened to it. As for drinking water when offered, I now finish it and ask for more if I am thirsty!
DeleteQuite often the Rajarata students worship me at the end of their appointment. Dr Ananda Perera, Orthopaedic Surgeon at SJGH, embarrasses me by worshipping me whenever I meet him, even in the Consultant's Lounge at the Nawaloka Hospital even in front of other doctors. He has told me that I am like his father and he is what he is today, because of teachers like me!
ReplyDeleteI think he is showing you the highest form of respect. I find that very touching.
DeleteLama, according to traditional Hindu customs, teacher is venerated higher than their own parents. Gurudew not only taught the Sastra, but also archery etc. Indian Maharajas kept their Princes as boarders at the Gurudews residence until the prince completed his studies(Vedas& archery).That custom is inherited in Sri Lankan society as well.
ReplyDeleteThis suddenly occurred to me:- Can the word Custom and the word Tradition be used for the same thing? Or is there a difference and if so what is it? The closest I came to resolving this was this. A custom is a commonly accepted manner of behaving or doing something in a particular society, place or time. A tradition is the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation. Or put it in another way, A tradition is a practice that has been passed down over generations and observed by most people of a society or culture while custom could be short lived and even observed at a family or individual level. So it appears that the defining feature is the length of time these are passed on. Then I began to wonder, is there a connection between Customs (as in Airports) and customs as likened to traditions? So far I have not been able to find the answer. Any offers?
ReplyDeleteMahen I think your explanation is correct. A tradition (in my mind) is something more formal, more entrenched among a certain group of people, whereas a custom could refer to casual behavior. For example in Germany (and some other countries too) it is a custom for people to take off their outdoor footwear as they enter a home and put on the 'house shoes' indoors. People sometime carry their 'indoor shoes' with them to parties, especially in the winter. I wouldn't call it a tradition. A custom is more about manners.
DeleteAny offers on my other question, on why Customs is called so at Immigration? Here is a possible one I invented.
DeleteLong ago, when you enter a country, it was mandatory to declare your customs to make sure that they do not infringe on the rights of people in that country. So the word "Customs" was used. Later, declaration included other facets. This is my theory anyway!
That sounds a bit far-fetched, my friend. But nevertheless, it is a good theory! It sounds like what academics sometimes do, in the art world for example. They make things up, depending on their own interpretation.
DeleteHi Speedy and Bunter,
DeleteSorry my comment re the origin of "Customs" at the Airports is so late.
Speedy you are absolutely correct. This practice originated in England , and has been there from Saxon times. At first , part of a ship's
cargo would be taken for the king. Later merchants were allowed to pay money instead which became known as the "customary duties" or Customs and by the reign of Edward I
( 1272-1307) the system was well established !
So Speedy you are not just a pretty face; but a smart cookie as well !! ( I always knew that ! )
So 'Customary duties' evolved to 'Customs duties' and shortened to 'Customs' now. The function of the Customs officials these days is to collect 'duties.'
DeleteSuri, thanks for your explanation.
Srianee, removal of the shoes before entering a residence has been in practice in most Tamil Hindu homes, in both rural and urban areas, for a long time. It is seen in Sinhala homes as well. After the onset of the Covid 19 pandemic, it is practised in most homes.
ReplyDeleteI am sometimes intrigued by the origin of some interesting phrases. It is common to hear someone say "Bless You", if a person sneezes close by. Apparently it originated at the time of the plague epidemic, because it could spread by sneezing and carried a very high mortality. However I am perplexed why it is not mentioned after coughing?!
When there is heavy rain, one says, "It is raining cats and dogs". Apparently it originated because of the ancient British custom of chucking cats and dogs under a thatched roof, inside the house, to keep them warm during the winter and when it rained, they used to fall down from the roof!
Sanath, I have also heard that the "Bless you" response to a sneeze began during the time of the bubonic plague and was instigated by Pope Gregory the Great as a protection against the pandemic. Everyone knows that in Germany they say "Gesundheit" meaning health. Spanish speaking people say "Salud" which also means health. I don't think that we, in Sri Lanka, say anything specific, except that those who speak English have adopted the "Bless you."
DeleteI like your explanation of "raining cats and dogs" but I think that may be a long shot. It is a colorful expression though.
Sanath and Srianee, the reason for saying "bless you" when you sneeze, as I understand, has nothing to do with spreading bugs because as you say, coughing is equally bad and nobody says bless you when you cough. At the time of the plague, sneezing was regarded as a possible early sign that you got the Plague and you say "bless you" because there was no cure and one had to appeal to God to be saved from it. "Bless you" is an appeal to God.
DeleteHi Lama, I did know about the origin of saying " bless you " when one sneezes but your
ReplyDeleteexplaination about " cats and dogs" is new to me . Thank you.
Your observation about students paying you homage is touching. I would obviously have less students passing through my hands than you.But,being an undergraduate Clinical Teacher as well as o Post Graduate Teacher, Trainer , and Examiner for over 3 decades I too have had my share of grateful students paying homage. I find it embarrassing and the Classic one was when the President of the College of Anaesthesiologists bent down very low and paid homage to me with his hands together, when I was awarded the Fellowship if the College some years ago, in full view of a packed Auditorium at Nelum Pokuna in the presence of President Maithrilpala Sirisena . I was so embarrassed I virtually lifted him up! My daughter has captured this on a video !!
S
Suri and Sanath, this is a big difference between the East and the West, in general. Display of respect for elders and "superiors" is very different. I always addressed my bosses as "Sir" (or Madam). I wouldn't dream of addressing them by their first name. In the UK, it is not uncommon for John to be addressed as John and not Sir John. In Australia, it is even more relaxed. This is not a sign of disrespect. It could be interpreted that way if you are used to a different culture. The saying "respect is something you earn, not given" is widely accepted.
ReplyDeleteWhen I used to do a Ward round in Kandy and I walked into the ward, all the nurses and doctors stood to attention and said "Good morning SIR!" In the UK, the sister would be seated and chatting to another nurse and would say while remaining seated "Morning Dr G, I shall be ready to start the round in 5 mins. Would you like a cup of coffee?". My other Consultant colleague was much younger (he was my Senior Reg before) and the nurses just called him John. The veneration was not there but they were all good and hardworking nurses who did a difficult job well and for me that is all that matters. I know that they had a lot of respect for me which they showed in different ways.
I wonder whether Sri Lanka has changed in this aspect.
British way of addressing your work colleagues is a way to expressing intimacy. Addressing your superiors by "Sir" considered as an insult or keeping at arms length. I am sure it is a common practice in English speaking world.
DeleteSuri
ReplyDeleteI witnessed the scene you described,Dr Kanishka. Indraratne paying homage to you during the awards ceremony,It was very moving and no doubt cherished by you and your family.My wife knows kanishka very well and it was great to see the former "golaya showing his gratitude".Well done.
There are cultural differences even within Sri Lanka. For example, many more Rajarata students have worshipped me, lesser number of Ruhuna students would have done so and far less Colombo students.
ReplyDeleteMahen
ReplyDeleteA few years ago we were had dinner with a paediatric surgeon from Kandy and his wife.We were discussing the way the current junior doctors addressed their seniors in the wards.The commonly used terms were SHO, Aiyah or Akka as a mark of respect. The surgeon told us that the staff still call him Sir,but sometimes he worries that the young doctors might call him "Bappah"
Bora, the word Baap in Hindu is father. It may sound insulting to use as mera baap(my father) Luky I have learned Hindu, French Japanese and Arabic in a small way.
ReplyDeleteIn the US, the manner in which you address your consultants (called 'Attending physicians' here, but don't ask me why!) depends sometimes on personal choice. Sometimes, if the senior physician is young and not much older than the juniors, he/she may say "Please call me John or Mary etc." Until then one would address a senior colleague as 'Dr. so and so.' But, if one was introduced to someone about the same age, it is not unusual to start using first names right away. I do recall my mother addressing her teaching colleagues at STC as 'Mr or Mrs so and so' even after many years of teaching together. Perhaps if they were close friends they used first names. Also, I remember that in the British system surgeons preferred to be addressed as 'Mister so and so.' Does anyone know why?
DeleteHi Bunter Yes you are right about British Surgeons preferred to be addressed as Mr .... Probably a flash back to the time when barbers were called in to make surgical incisions because of their expertise with the razor.
DeleteHere in Sri Lanka Surgeons are called Doctors as you know. But there is an amusing anecdote about Rudra Rasaratnam who insisted on being refered to as Mr. Once he was called in as an expert witness to give evidence in courts and when the he was introduced as Dr Rasaratnam by the court mudliyar, he protested and said " I am Mr Rasaratnam. Surgeon" Promptly the Court Mudliyar was heard to call out. " Sargent Rasaratnam" much to the amusement of all present.
I remember whenever I addressed a Consultant in the UK as
" Sir" being told that they have not yet received a knighthood.!
Every time I got up from my stool in the OT when a Consultant came in they used to push me down by the shoulders. Having explained several times that in our country we are taught to respect our elders and teachers I Just gave up the habit.
Having said that I too find the trend of young doctors calling each other Akki/ Malla/ Nanga / Aiya/ in the presence of patients quite unseemly . I tell them that can call each other by any endearment in private, but to maintain dignity in the clinical setting. I have asked them if they would start calling me "Aunty" or " Nanda". They usually get the point.
.
Suri, thank for your most likely explanation of why British and 'British trained' surgeons prefer to be called 'Mr.' I enjoyed your anecdote about Rudra Rasaratnam. I never met him, but know many people who were friends with him, and over the years had heard many stories about him. Didn't Milroy Paul also prefer to be addressed as 'Mr?'
DeleteI completely agree with you that the habit of addressing each other as 'Aiya/Akka' etc. is very unprofessional!
Hi!,Srianne,It was Prof Milroy's younger brother, ATS Paul(thoracic Surgeon) who was address as Mr Paul. His nephew, Rudra followed the British tradition. I first met Rudra while doing my Casualty(emergency) admission. You will remember that was a part we had to perform. God knows how long it was! We had to sit on a long bench at the corridor and on a rainy day I felt very cold while getting exposed to blowing of cold air and rainy water. During that period I came across Prof Paul and budding Surgeons-Michael Abeyratne,Laxman Attygale,Yogeswaran and one Wilfred Perera and some others, the names I have forgotten. I found Michael, and Wlfred were very friendly. Wilfred told me how he got through FRCS by reading only the book by Hamilton-Bailey. He allowed me to suture skin of the abdominal wall after he had finished all the other layers. On one occasion, I had to assist Prof Milroy, when he attended on a man with bowel obstruction. Cold sweat stared to flow down from axillae. He told me not to do anything, unless told otherwise, and hold onto the retractors. Operation successful and he showed me the tumour obstructing the large bowel. End-to end anastomosis was excellent. He was known as a butcher by some as he undertook most of the difficult surgical problems. He enjoyed doing Pachydermectomy on long standing cases of elephantiasis of lower limbs. I met Rudra for the second time while I was a Houseman. He was acting Surgeon while Yogeswaran or Kiriella was on holiday.Dr Manasara Wedisinghe was his House Officer. As far as I can remember, Rudra ended as a Thoracic Surgeon. I also had heard about his appearance Courts and telling the Court to address him as mister and doctor.
DeleteHi Bunter and Sumathi
DeleteI know several anecdotes aboot Rudra or Rudy as he was affectionately called. He was such a coluorful personality. He spoke with a very British Accent and loved to Anglisize our names for example Gunatilaka was pronounced as Guntilake by him ! During the JVP insurrection 1972 he volunteered to do RS duties at the Accident Service. All the duty officers were expected to be physically present, and in order to make up a 4th in Contract Bridge he forced me to learn the game ... I must say I never took to the game but I developed a firm and lasting friendship .... even though I was just a brat of a Junior Anaesthetist.I remember he was also the Editor of the GHC Journal... Probably extinct long ago.... and I helped him to address about a 100 copies for which I was adequately rewarded with a box of chocolates !!
I remember meeting Rudy again in the UK in 1976. I had been cramming for my part I when he walked into the Post Graduate Library at the Farnborough Hospital in Kent where I was working as an SHO Anaesthetist. When I greeted him delightedly and asked him what he was doing there, he replied he was doing an Surger SR Locum job in Consultant Surgeon , Mr Hedley Berry's unit (they had been batch mates at Kings College Medical School) Then he remarked " Bloody hell ! I can't remember how to do a hernia !! ." Not surprising cos he had been doing only Thorasic Surgery for at least the past 10 years.
Regarding Prof Milroy Paul , Sumathi I think he was a great Teacher . I remember how he made us study the Red Cross First Aid booklet during the Prof Appointment ,and had us demonstrate various bandages and support slings to him, a very practical and useful skill.
But though I respect him as a person and admired his many good qualities,I was not impressed by his surgical skills. He used to do a Paediatric list at LRH and I remember being so worried for the patient ( I was a Junior Anaesthetist ) watching him.
The other young surgeons you mention --Yogeswaren ( we were colleagues at SJGH He was one of the most meticulous and skillful surgeons I have ever winessed both here and abroad .Lakshman Attygala was married to Deepthi a Consultant Anaesthetist . They both became my close friends over time.
Dr. Yogeswaran was at GH, Ratnapura, during my time and he immediately recognised me, when I met him on the corridor. Unfortunately, I did not get a chance of doing Surgery. It went to late Desmond, in spite of topping the list among the 12 of us who were sent to Ratnapura. It was my first choice.We had regular clinical meetings and I was the Secretary.Dr Yogeswaran presented a case of multiple polyposis of intestine, in one of the meetings .I can not remember whether Srianne was present with us with us on those occasions.
DeleteComing back to Prof Milroy's misadventures, I was told that he cut one of the ureters, inadvertently, during abdominal surgery. Those were the days, Surgeons got away with daylight murder. Hope there is no disrespect for a great man, a Hunterian Professor. As far as my knowledge goes, there were only two Hunterian Professors, in, then Ceylon. The other one was late Dr(Mr).Francis Silva, Orthopaedic Surgeon, who accepted the Chair of Orthopaedics in Medical School, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Ce'est la vie!
Suri and Sumathi, thank you for your anecdotes about the surgeons who crossed our paths. The stories I had heard from people about Rudy R. were not related to his life as a surgeon but anecdotes about his antics on trips to Yala etc.
DeleteSumathi, you mentioned Michael Abeyratne, who lived next door to my family on 5th Lane, when I was about 10 years old and he was a medical student. He loved to mess around with his old convertible sports car (A Triumph, I think) and would take my brothers along with his nephews to rugger matches, stuffed in the backseat of his two seater! He also had a motor attached to his bicycle, which would make a funny "putt-putt" noise which we kids found very amusing. He could have been a good engineer but followed his parents' example of going into medicine. His father DR. L.O. Abeyratne was one of the founders of LRH, and both parents were wonderful, kind doctors. In retrospect, I think they may have played a role in influencing me in my choice of medicine as a career. Strangely, I don't think I crossed paths with Michael while in Medical College or later. But a few years ago, I got to know his daughter who lives in NYC. (Small world!)
Sumathi, I don't remember Rudy coming to Ratnapura, even though I was one of Dr.Kiriella's house officers. Dr.Yoheswaran was a great guy, and I don't remember why there was this curious animosity between the two of them.
Hi Bora !
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your anecdote about the Loin Cloth . I remember Tilak D with affection a shy and good natured friend with a subtle sense of humor. Unfortunately I cannot recall any anecdotes relating to him.
Your "Amude" story brings to mind another bizzare tradition. I remember being told that many years ago, sharing a wife among brothers was accepted behavior in certain communities. When one brother was taking advantage of conjugal rights, he would hang his Amude outside the bedroom door to signify that the girl was "occupied " and keep his brothers away.
Similarly it was accepted behavior to allow an honoured visitor to pay a nocturnal visit to his hostess. Here again the Amude was a signal for others to keep out ! I understand that this was the origin of the term "Kandian Hospitality" . I await to be enlightened by those who are better informed .
I hope I haven't raised a hornets nest!
Sure,sharing the wife among the brothers was a custom that was endemic in the hill country.I have heard that story when I was a kid.
ReplyDeleteSuri and Sumathi, this tradition of 'sharing' a bride/wife is new information to me. I have never heard of it! Is anyone aware of a scholarly publication (written by someone who has studied this subject) which describes these ancient traditions in Sri Lanka? I would love to know more. I guess the women had no say in the matter. (I am grateful that I didn't have to put up with anything like that!) Monogamy is a relatively new tradition among people, isn't it?
DeleteSrianne, What I have heard from my relatives and neighbours about the common practice in Up Country and not in low country is certainly true. I just can not imagine how the poor woman tolerated the carnal desires of the in laws. Perhaps, brother-in-laws might have respected the woman during her menstrual periods, early pregnancies, late pregnancies and in the post-natal period.
DeleteSumathi, so a woman ends up marrying the whole clan! I'm glad we have moved beyond all that.
DeleteI would not have fancied that type of relationship. As Antho told HN in a ward class, "you can't be hanging around when you have to give something hot.
DeleteHi Bora, I just loved your anecdote about the Loin Cloth.
ReplyDeleteI remember Tilak D as a quiet shy gentle person with a subtle sense of humor. Unfortunately I cannot recall any anecdotes relating to him.
Your "Amude" story brings to mind another bizzare tradition that I have heard.
Apparently in days gone by, it was the acceptable custom for brothers to share one wife. So when one brother was excercising his conjugal rights rights he hung his Amude outside the bedroom door to warn his brothers off. Apparently it was also the custom to offer an honoured guest access to the hostess. Here again the "Amude" was used as a warning that she was otherwise engaged ! I have been told that the term " Kandian Hospitality " arose from this custom. I would welcome your observations.
I hope I haven't raised a hornets nest !!
Hi Suri
ReplyDeleteThe custom of brothers sharing one wife has produced interesting comments.I had never heard of it before.Is the particular woman the wife of one brother and the other brothers are share holders or is she a common wife to all the brothers.
I have heard of Kandian hospitality but did not know that displaying the amude meant "Do not disturb,we are having fun".Furthermore if the honoured guest was a foreigner the under pants or boxer shorts would replace the amude.
Srianee
ReplyDeleteI read your Customs and Traditions only now as I was very busy with my interview with Speedy published last night.
It is very interesting, humourous and entertaining discussion. I enjoyed very much reading the age old customs etc. which are on the vane now.
All the customs and rituals have been discussed so that I don't have to add anything more.
Worshiping ones elders, teachers and Bosses are still in operation.
One of my trainees before going abroad for overseas training went on his knees and worshiped me in my clinic at eye Hospital in front of doctors,nurses and a full crowd of patients. Kariyawasam's nephew whom I did a Corneal graft went on his knees and worshped me before he took up his first appointment as a doctor. This is how they show their respect and appreciation for the services rendered.
Regarding Mahendra's comment on the 31st August at 12 AM I agree with him that we are all friends for more than 50 years that we should be careful in posting comments and also that we respect eachother and understand eachother too well to cause any deliberate hurt.
This forum of the Blog is for us to exchange views and ideas to have a pleasant dialogue among us to be happy especially during this Corona outbreak and Lockdown period
Srianee thank you very for sharing your views and ideas and initiating an interesting discussion. Chira
Thanks Chira, for joining in. Yes, I have learned a lot from this discussion. There are some very amusing customs that I didn't know about!
DeleteSrianne, in Islam,you worship only Allah and no one else.Muslim men hug each other as a way of greeting.If you want to be a Muslim,you repeat there is no God,but God,Muhammad is the Messengerx3times.I have not written the Arabic words that carries the same meaning.
ReplyDeleteSumathi, orthodox Muslim men also do not shake hands with women. They greet you with their right hand over their hearts and a slight bow. I find that quite charming and probably much more hygienic than a handshake, especially now when we are coping with a pandemic. These days I sometimes greet people with our traditional "Ayubowan' greeting! They seem to like that.
DeleteHi Sumathi
ReplyDeleteThank you for your statement re Muslims ...that they worship Allah and no one else.
Christians too have the same practice or should I say commandment " Thou shalt worship only the One God "
That's why I feel very uncomfortable when my students worship me.
I well remember how one New Year we ( my siblings) decided to follow the Sri Lankan tradition of worshiping our parents having offered them a betel sheaf ,we all went on our knees to them one by one ( all five of us) My father gently explained to us the commandment in the Holy Bible. Ever since then I try to prevent anyone from worshipping me.
On another topic about removing foot wear when entering a holy place... I have always admired my Buddhist, Hindu , and Muslim , brethren for this symbolic gesture of paying homage.
So while in my early teens, I started removing my shoes before I walked up to the alter rails to receive Holy Communion.
I practiced this even when residing in the UK.
O my wedding day , as I wanted to receive Holy Communion I walked into Church barefoot with anklets and toe rings ( to avoid having to kick off high heeled shoes while standing up at the top of the isle in full view of the congregation).
This can be seen clearly in several photographs ... particularly when I am stepping out for the Bridal car... I over heard an old relative making a horrified comment in a stage whisper " Anne manamali sapatthu dala nehe !!
For me, worshipping has a special significance. I could only worship going down on my knees, my parents- nobody else, at least not with any conviction. I value and honour my teachers but I couldn't worship them.
DeleteHi Bunter to get on to a completely different set of traditions / customs.. regarding Funerals
ReplyDeleteDid you know that in some districts they put a fertilized egg ( gam bitthara) in the coffin to signify giving of a life if the burial takes place on a Tuesday? ( which is usually avoided as they believe there will be another death in the family )
The hearth in the funeral home is not lit as long as the body lies there.... So neighbors provide all the meals. This is done even in towns. I well remember our home getting flooded with food when my mother died.
So different from UK when the first intimation of a death in our front house neighbors house was spotting a hearse outside their front door!
The rationale of having candles or oil lamps lit at the head of the coffin , I have been told is to cause the "bad emissions " from the corpse to disperse. Does anyone know if this is correct ?
The custom of removing any jewellery from the corpse before closing the coffin to my mind was very upsetting when I was young till it was explained to me that it was to discourage grave robbers .
Then of course the traditional
" Mala Batha " consisting of Dry fish, Wattakka and Cabbage. These modern days you just order the traditional menu from a caterer. In the bygone days it used to be cooked at home in huge cauldrons by village ladies who are experts at it.
Suri when a person dies at home, no food is, cooked until burial or cremation is completed.Lighting candles oil lamps certainty reduce the pungent smell emanating from a putrefying body. Corpse has to wait until arrival of close relatives
ReplyDeleteBody is guarded day and night to
prevent evil Sprits(devils&Ghoul)
According to the Buddhist rituals
Alms are offered on day 3, 7 and in
3 months and annually there after.
Suri and Sumathi, thank you for sharing the traditions surrounding funerals. I am familiar with some of those, but placing the egg in the coffin is new to me. As Sumathi has described some of these traditions stem from superstitions. Bringing food or delivering food to a home where there has been a bereavement is something that people do even in the US. It frees the family from having to worry about such things.
ReplyDeleteSrianne you must know the customs of Mormons, polygamy was prevalent among them them, until it was a abandoned in 1890.
ReplyDeleteHi Bunter I want to first and foremost thank you for introducing this fascinating topic of Traditions. It has stimulated a lively discussion and been very informative too.
ReplyDeleteI want to touch on the tradition of the use of Drums Bells and Lamps in our country.
In days gone by the King would make his decrees known to his subjects by the playing of Drums. the " Ana Bera" Over time the word has been changed to "Anda Bera"
Obviously this has fallen to disuse as more modern and effective methods of communication developed. Anyway hearing drums in our modern noisy world would be mission impossible !
However people still use it as a gimmick for publicity campaigns Saying "Asaw Asaw Asaw " and making the announcement in public places.
We are all fameliar with the Joyous pealing if Wedding Bells and New Year bells. But how many of you are aware that even today a death is announced by a single toll of a Church Bell ? When they hear it they go to the Church to find out who has died. This happens not only in remote villages but also in big towns like Morautwa.
I am sure that Temple Bells also signify important events and would love to be enlightened by my Buddhist friends.
I also find the Lighting of the Oil Lamp at various functions immensely appealing. But sadly many are not aware that you should preferably hold the candle while lighting with both hands and never never never with your left hand. The last person to use the candle is expected to put it off by shaking it vigorously and Never blow it out using exhaled breath !
I await your comments.b
Customs and traditions are the finishing touches to a beautiful painting or a piece of embroidery and every Nation observes their own. It can be very colourful, symbolic. entertaining, educational or devotional. They add to the mystery and glory of life!
DeleteSuri, your comments regarding the candle are quite correct and I am personally very particular about it. Sometimes there are strings of flowers in between the wicks which catch fire and fall on a carpet. Lately I have noticed small floating utensils containing oil and a wick to be lit, instead of the traditional brass lamp.
ReplyDeleteLama, yes I know these modern variations of the Traditional Oil Lamp are indeed upsetting.
ReplyDeleteThe worst I've ever seen is Curvaceous Dancers if the Channa Vipuli group in formation holding oil lamps aloft to be lit ! Must have been very distracting for those who were lighting the
lamps !
Suri and Lama, thank you for the enlightening comments about drums, bells and lamps. Suri, I did not know about the single church bell
ReplyDeleteannouncing a death in town. (Moratuwa has many churches as you know.) I also did not know about the strict rules dictating the oil lamp lighting. Thank you both for educating me!
What is the connection between customs, traditions and rituals? Any offers?
ReplyDelete