REMEMBRANCE DAY – medical batch of 1962- 67 (2)
Message from Rohini Anandarajah
Grief
Happily we danced and pranced on life’s way
With never a thought there’ll come one day
When a loved one would step on a downward trail
Foreboding that soon they’d be gone away.
One reflects in submission -“It is life’s way,
Once been on this earth one goes away-
Death follows life as night follows day”
So we philosophise while grief’s still at bay.
“It’s the order of things in this universe we dwell,
Why would we grieve?” we
say to ourselves.
“Being rational and sensible we’d get over it swell”
With thoughts very logical we kid ourselves!
In truth my friends, when grief comes by
Into thin air our philosophies vaporise.
It shocks you, it shatters you and blows out your brains
And leaves you a zombie for months on end.
The rational being I once thought I was,
Was gone with one stroke, swirled away in a storm
Of disbelief, denial, self-doubt, and wrath-
As realistic as I was, off guard I was caught.
And as I walked in a trance for weeks
With my world in a blur, confused and unreal
I sought consolation in all those bereaved
Who had borne with great courage inconceivable grief.
To all those who have endured this heart-rending ordeal.
With my Love and Best Wishes
Rohini
Message from Srianee “Bunter” Dias
A Few Memories
On this Remembrance Day, I would like to join everyone in remembering our batch mates who have left us. I have specific memories of a few of them that I would like to share.
Sunna
When I first met ‘Sunna’ I was struck by the way he injected his sentences profusely with “bloody” and ‘bugger!” I found it very amusing. Since I didn’t hang out in the men’s common room and play billiards, I didn’t have the opportunity to spend much time with him while in Medical College. I believe, however, that he was in my Pre-Clinical group and shared the experience of being (in) famously kicked out by Dr Ernie Peiris!
We became close friends after our internships when we were both temporarily unemployed. I was newly married at the time, playing at being a ‘housewife’ in Kosgama. Our rented house was on the main Colombo-Avissawella road and Sunna would sometimes stop in his father’s Land Rover on his way to visit their estate. I enjoyed those spontaneous visits immensely.
Later on, we saw each other on and off during the time we were both living in New York City. The spontaneous visit that I remember most clearly is the one during my pathology residency at Norwalk Hospital in Connecticut. One busy afternoon when I was immersed in examining the specimens that had been delivered from the operating room, our receptionist informed me that there was a phone call for me. I stripped off my gloves and picked up the phone, The familiar deep voice at the other end was Sunna, who informed me that he was downstairs in the coffee shop, and had stopped to say “hello!” He was on his way to Pittsfield, Massachusetts, where he was working at the time and had thought of me when he was passing through Norwalk. I was delighted to take a break from my work to join him for a quick cup of coffee.
Sunna cared deeply for his friends and made the extra effort to stay in touch with many of us long after we left Medical College. It was so heartbreaking for everyone when he was killed in a senseless traffic accident a few years later.
Satchi
Satchi was already in New York City when I
first arrived in Brooklyn. Less than a
year after I arrived our older daughter was diagnosed with a hydronephrosis due
to a congenital uretero-pelvic junction obstruction. I was quite shocked and confused by this
diagnosis and had difficulty processing the fact that my 2-year-old daughter
would have to undergo major surgery.
While we were still coming to grips with this reality, Satchi, who was
doing his residency at Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, had made
arrangements for us to consult Dr. Keith Waterhouse, who was a well regarded
paediatric urologic surgeon. Dr.
Waterhouse successfully repaired the congenital narrowing in my daughter’s UPJ and the kidney
function was restored.
That was who Satchi was. A quiet, unassuming person, working behind the scenes to help his friends. Satchi endured many health problems in his later years including crippling migraine headaches. He passed away after moving to Florida. I will always be grateful to him for taking the initiative to find the best available treatment for my daughter. (Later, during the two years when I lived and worked in Staten Island I was privileged to become friends with his mother and his three siblings. Only one sister is presently alive.)
Dawn
Around the time when we were anxiously
awaiting our daughter’s surgery, I heard that Dawn and Russell had arrived at
Coney Island Hospital. They may have
been staying with Lucky and Ruvini Weerasooriya. I don’t remember who initiated the phone
call, but I do remember a long conversation with Dawn when she listened to me and reassured me in her gentle, soft manner about the impending
surgery. I was very anxious and fearful
about what lay ahead and I remember that she really helped me. Unfortunately, I didn’t see much of her after
that, especially after she and her family moved to the Philadelphia area. The tragic manner in which her life ended,
along with her entire family will forever be etched in our memories.
May they Rest in Peace.
Message
from Speedy
Remembering
Kamini Goonewardena (Ferdinando)
Kamini was with me right through Medical school as she was a "G" like me in our alphabetical system at the Faculty. She was very innocent and she took all the fun we made at her expense with good humour. Punsiri and I especially enjoyed the perplexed expression on her face when we cracked "kunu" jokes. Sushieila Kanagasabai was one of her frequent companions. They were very good friends and moved like sisters while at Medical college. Susheila changed most of her clinical appointments in hospital so that they could be together and work together.
She was educated at Ladies College and was one year senior to Srianee and her father was the famous Dr HSR Goonewardena, Deputy Director of Education (Physical Education).
Sadly, I lost contact with her but managed to get her telephone number from Rohini Ana and spoke to her in December 2016. I had a lovely chat with her and at that time, she was hoping to attend the 50th Anniversary reunion but unfortunately could not make it.
It was
consoling to learn that she passed away peacefully in her sleep. I shall always
remember her as a lovely, cheerful, dignified and somewhat serious girl and it
was a pleasure to have known her.
Rohini, that is a beautiful poem, straight from your heart. It is brave of you to share your feelings of your own loss. I hope those who were close to our departed friends will see it, and gain some comfort.
ReplyDeleteMahen, thank you for writing about Kamini (K.G. at Ladies') I was so sorry that I lost touch with her after we left Sri Lanka. She was a very special person.
Srianee, thanks for those memories. Sadly I lost touch with all these lovely people as our paths diverged as is the Nature of our journey through Life.
DeleteSrianee - Thank you for sharing your memories of Satchi and Dawn who I had not set eyes on since leaving med school- sad just the same. I had the good fortune to get to know Sunna during my internship and learn first-hand of the interesting person he was. The vision of Sunna which has remained in my memory since our last days in med school, is of him carrying his mother like one would carry a child from his car to the physiotherapy department when she was unwell .I was overtaken by the love and compassion he was capable of. I said not a word to him about this at any time, but will treasure this memory of him always.
DeleteMay he be blessed wherever he may be.
Rohini
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely poem that brings together all the aspects of grief. Going through it right now you have brought to the surface what lies deep within the psyche. Those deeply painful and distressing feelings rarely see the light of day for others to see but they continuously destroy all the barriers we have created with our reasoning , religion and rationale. In the poem there is much more in every line than what meets the eye on the first read. I sincerely hope this poem will be appreciated far beyond our blog.
Srianee
Your “few memories” became a flood as they mingled, blended and coalesced with my own memories of them. Sunna was a gem and have recalled our time together in a special piece. I kept in touch with Satchi right to the very end, focus being on our love for Apple Computers when they were far less reliable than Microsoft and needed mutual support. Classical Music was another of our passions when his encyclopaedic knowledge was an enormous help. He continued to listen to the Nine Lessons and Carols by the Kings College Choir in Cambridge broadcast at 3pm on Christmas day, a ritual from his childhood. Dawn was such a lovely person from my end of the alphabet when we chatted often walking the long corridors of the GHC. I remember her arriving to the Block in style in a chauffeur driven blue Holden limousine.
Mahen
Kamini was beauty and sweetness personified. She spoke no evil, saw no evil and heard no evil. She spoke softly and deliberately, measured and meant every word. As I never saw her after 1967 I feel so happy to hear Kamini has had a good life.
Nihal, Thank you for this beautifully expressed comment . You have certainly grasped the full impact of grief on the psyche which is very difficult for anyone who has not been through it to fully comprehend. Take care my friend.
DeleteA most poignant, personal and real-life story Rohini is brave enough to share with us. We feel your loss dear friend and we grieve with you. Take care and may you achieve peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mahen for the thoughts you have shared with me which have been very comforting. Take care.
DeleteI had close relationship with Sundarampillai, who happened to be my Anatomy dissection partner, who got me to do the dirty job of dissection. He did not want to get his hands smeared with formaldehyde. He was a very reserved person and had very few friends. Perhaps, I was the only person invited to his home to have a cup of tea on one occasion. His home was very closer to Ladies hostel and the nurse's quarters. He avoided the Law-Medical match and his home was invaded by Anton Ambrose and his crowd. Unfortunately, I lost close contact when he failed at the 2nd MB exam. During my short holiday in Colombo in early eighties I heard that he was in private practice somewhere in Kotahena and had MRCP added to his name board. Disaster seemed to have struck and he was buried under the rubble from the collapsed building.
ReplyDeleteBL(Balasuriyage Leelananda Perera)remained a friend of mine during the five years in the faculty and thereafter.
I met him in Nugegoda when he was working in the JMO's unit not far away from the Anatomy block and later in Birmingham. He was a GP in Birmingham and used to visit my home and we visited his home in West Bromwich, not too far away from Birmingham. He enjoyed his Scotch Whiskey. He succumbed to several chronic illnesses and had to take early retirement. Family moved to Scotland and he passed several years ago.
Sri Kantha, friend from Bloem days who did not do well at Exam, but matured to be a successful Anaesthesiologist, with special interest in pain relief. I met his accidentally in a shopping mall in Birmingham City centre and was told that he was under going training in Anaesthesiology. He was a Consultant in Sandwell District general for a short period, before emigrating to US.
Balakrishnan Somasundaram, better known as Soma among us and Bobby among his white colleagues.
He enjoyed his booze during student days and I have seen his drinking undiluted arrack off the bottle. He had a rough time as a practicing doctor during his days in Sri Lanka. Fortune struck on emigration to UK. He opted for Psychiatry as the Speciality of choice and he excelled in that Speciality. He visited us in Birmingham in order to offer Alms in memory of his first son who passed away following a road traffic accident. I have never visited him as there was no invitation to do so. No sooner than he retired he succumbed to a fatal fall which took his life away from this world. Hope the readers will excuse me, if I have used any words that could have brought disrespect to the deceased.
Sumathi, thank you for writing about your friends. Sri Kantha was quite a character, and I heard he was quite successful in his pain management practice in the US. I believe he lived in New Jersey, but I did not meet him during his time there. I think he was sick for a very long time before he passed away.
Delete
ReplyDeleteDear Srianee, Nihal and Mahen,
Thank you for your appreciation of my lines and your kind comments.
I was very mindful of those left bereaved by our departed batchmates when I forwarded these lines to Mahen.
As I struggled to come to grips with my own loss, many were the messages of sympathy I recieved from friends such as you, which brought me great comfort.
There were a few friends I wish to specially acknowledge, who promptly “surfaced from nowhere” to literally prop me up when “I could not stand” - Virginia de Vos (nee Swan) was first and immediately on the scene with invaluable support, to share with me experiences from her own grief, to assure me I had not gone crazy and wasn't alone, that this was how incredibly difficult grief is to deal with and helped me cope.
Dhushyanthi Vedavanam, Mahes Singarayer and Sujatha Amerasinghe in their turn help me come to terms with my feelings by sharing their own experiences of grief.
Srianee, your frequent phone calls and insights were a great help as well, while many who undoubtedly cared felt uncomfortable broaching the subject. I wish as you do that those left bereaved would derive some comfort from validation of their feelings and remember they are not alone.
It has been a very moving experience reading the poems, articles, comments and listening to the music, in memory of our dear friends who are no longer with us. Thank you all.
ReplyDeleteTilak Dayaraytne
I got to know Tilak during our Block days, a friendship which grew with time resulting in him eventually becoming a much loved friend of our family.
One afternoon, Tilak found a five/ten rupee note on the dissecting room floor. The honest boy knocked on the professor’s door. As there was no response, he gently opened the door to find the teacher waking up from his kip. After a couple of questions, the irate Prof concluded that Muniandy (the cleaner) had not swept the floor thoroughly.
Tilak looked the part on his red motor bike sporting dark glasses. Some of his friends referred to me as his pillion rider. He was a talented artist and at the second MB exam, answered some of the questions successfully using diagrams and words.
He had a good voice which was put into good effect at parties after a few drinks. That said, his musicality was not reflected on the dance floor. On one occasion whilst on the dance floor he was treading on his partner’s toes (playing a type of footsie). When the girl complained, he confidently convinced her that it was all her fault.
Quite regularly we used to enjoy a Lion Lager and chips at the Savoy Hotel, chatting about sports, our school days, music and films etc. He occasionally used to elaborated on a couple of female batch mates whom he adored at different times.
Tilak had a very likable personality, reserved and shy at times, a candid friend.
For me the most striking quality was that he was a man of honour, in fact too honourable.
Suren Iyer
I did not know Suren that well as a batch mate but became a very close friend later on in the UK. A caring and competent GP who was well thought of by his staff and colleagues.
A very sociable and pleasant character. He and his wife, Sweeni, were a very loving couple and attended many Sri Lankan dances. The two of them appeared good on the dance floor, particularly when doing the Cha Cha which was like poetry in motion. At our last reunion in Negombo, he experienced angina whilst dancing. So both of us went to his room and he took GTN which relieved the pain. Despite protests from Swini and us, he returned to the dance floor, continued to have fun with his batch mates and stayed till the very end.
He was very loyal to his alma mater and generously supported the Ananda OBA in the UK financially. A very keen cricket fan and a close friend of Arjuna Ranatunga the Sri Lankan World Cup winning captain
Bora
DeleteThank you for those lovely memories of Tilak and Suren.
This is what I wrote about Tilak when I first had the sad news
He had his education at Royal College Colombo. I came to know Tilak during the rag in 1962 when we both wore brinjals round our necks and exercised vigorously in the quadrangle. He accepted the rigours and the humiliation of the rag better than I did. Tilak lived in Homagama and rode his Moto Guzzi /Ducati generating noise and elegance in equal measure. As I travelled from Nugegoda he often gave me a lift. Although convenient it was a journey not without its hair raising moments when he cruised at high speed, weaving through the traffic on High Level Road. Tilak was kind and generous and never accepted my offers to pay him for the trip. He often said he should pay me for my willingness to take the risk.
Tilak had the mind-set of a sensitive youth. He was disdainful of hypocrisy, social convention and conformity. His apparent indifference should not be confused with a lack of respect for values and beliefs. He was clever and on the mark all through the difficult years of hard grind as medical students. Tilak detested the spotlight and remained an enigmatic recluse all his life but interacted well with his colleagues and close friends. We got on tremendously well during our days at Medical College. On those rare social occasions he ignited interesting discussion and humour.
I was on the verge of asking Lucky Abeygunawardene to bring Tilak along when we meet in Colombo in September when I heard the sad news. The loss of a friend brings home one’s own mortality. Simple and down to earth he never suffered from the “big ego syndrome” often attributed to medical students and doctors. Tilak was never critical of anyone and never argued. He was always polite, kind and courteous and will be sorely missed by all who knew him.
I met Suren at a London Reunion more recently. We caught up on the news of people and events. As always he was jolly and fine company.
Bora, Thank you for sharing your memories of Suren and Tilak. I had the good fortune of meeting Suren and his wife a few times at some of our reunions, the last one being the one in Negombo. Unfortunately I did not meet Tilak after we graduated. I was quite friendly with him in Medical College because one of his cousins happened to be my good friend. There were a few times, while visiting Colombo, when I walked past his private practice office down Ward Place with the sign "Dr. T.A. Dayaratne." I thought about walking in to say hello, but did not take that crucial step inside. (If it had been Sunna walking past a batch-mate's office, he certainly would have taken that step!) When I heard that he had passed away, I really regretted not having done that!
DeleteMahen, Iam so pleased you have written about Kamini who was close to me and whose death added to my distress at a time I was in no state of mind to write about her. She was a lovely person.Thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteRohini
ReplyDeleteCongratulations for that heart-rending fantastic poem. What talent to express grief in a poem so well. well done. Chira
Mahendra
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for publishing an article about Kamini.
I used to go to Medical college in a private car and pick up late Kamini, Late Priya off Dickmans Road and Padmini from Isipathana Mawatha.
2nd half of our Internship I think she worked at the Castle Street Hospital for Women, Colombo where I worked.
Kamini and family used to come home to consult me about their eyes. Kamini went to New Zealand first and the rest used to come home to get their eyes checked by me. Later they too went to New Zealand.
Unfortunately I lost contact with them after that.
I was so sad to hear about her demise.
She was a quiet, friendly, soft spoken girl of principles and doing only the correct things. Chira
Bora
ReplyDeleteI saw you had said about SUREN.
I have been in contact with Suren as I did Cataract extraction and Implant on his mother's both eyes. His mother was a lovable person, she used to hug me and give me presents each time she saw me. I used to refuse them but she used to leave them and go. This may be because I did not charge any thing for the two surgeries done at Nawaloka Hospital and also for the visits. She was very happy with the vision in both eyes till her demise.
Suren contacted me when he came for the mothers funeral.
I visited Suren's place in UK may have been in 1998 when I did Consultants locum in Bedford. I went there with my Brother in law and his wife for lunch and met Sweeni for the first time who treated us well.
I met Suren and Sweeni again during our last batch re union in Negombo.
I feel so sad that Suren and mother are no more. Chira
Hi Chira
ReplyDeleteAgree Mrs Iyer was a lovely lady,Several years ago she came to our place for lunch with Suren.When she saw Harshi she embraced her and cried. Seetha her daughter and Harshi had been very close friends.
Harshi's father dropped her and her brother Kumar at Iyer's place for Seetha's birthday party.when he came back to pick them up around midnight,the party had just begun,candle light had replaced the electric lights.The father asked Mr Iyer "are you saving on electricity?".Harshi and Kumar were embarrassed, fortunately the two families knew each other quite well,
Hi Nihal
Your post on Tilak was a true representation of his personality.Sorely missed by all of us.
That was an excellent article about Sunna.he was a great character with a dry sense of humour.When we were in the second MB, one evening I visited Sydney at Alfred House Avenue.He pursuaded me to join him to pay a surprise visit to Sunna who lived very close by at Charles Place/Circus,a very posh part of Colombo 7.A few days later when I met Sunna in the canteen,He asked me whether Sydney and I had nothing better to do than knock on peoples doors,we had a good laugh.
I remember when Sydney's father passed away Sunna picked me up from home and we went to his Wallauwa in Matugama.We had an interesting chat during the journey,
The Remeberance Day has been well subscribed.well done to the organisers and contributors.
Rohini, what quality, what talent, what feeling you have put into this champion effort of a poetic composition on the occasion of our Batch memorial day for our dear departed mates! You have capped your talents in a superior way with this particular effort of the Remembrance Day offering, Grief. Well done, Thanks and let me say you are one of the gems in Batch '62. From Zita
ReplyDeleteMahendra, well done on your Remembrance Day offering for Kamini Goonewardene Fernando! You've been honest in admitting the fun ways in which you made friendly 'attacks' and we are quite used to this sort of memory of our batch days, which is what makes is all the more lively, funny and memorable. I won't be wrong in saying that our batch was unique in the fun but witty 'hacks' on batch mates yet maintaining great friendship and now memories after over 50 years! Zita
ReplyDelete