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Thursday, February 16, 2017

Creative spot by Mahendra (Speedy) Gonsalkorale

Pride and Precipice

He knocked on the door
I knew it was him
I waited
He knocked again
Should I or should I not
Pride, self esteem
Or happiness

I opened the door
He looked so sad
"So sorry I spoke harsh
Please forgive me
I am sorry
I am so very sorry"

I slammed shut the door
Leant back shut my eyes
Tears poured down my cheeks
I wanted him in my arms
It hurt so much

He was still at the door
"Go away" I said
All was silent
I stood there 
I heard footsteps recede

I wanted him so much
Fold him in my arms
Say how much I wanted him
How much I loved him
But pride and self esteem
They won the day
Senseless, madness
I have lost my way.


  1. Mahen,
    Thank you for that lovely poem. The brilliant talent is obvious. As many have suggested you should really compile them into a book. The poetry of love, passion and tears will no doubt appeal to the young.
    You are a great philosopher in search of the truth like many of our generation now. As a compassionate, genial and immensely modest person I would love to know your formula for life. I personally would enjoy your poetic talents in that direction. It will give us something to ponder and may even guide our thoughts in a direction we never knew existed.

  2. Thanks, Mahendra! It just harks back to our youth and how hypocritical we were at times with people we were quite attracted but wanted to play 'hard to get'. Yes we can truly identify with the voice of this poet!

  3. ND and Zita, thanks a lot for your most kind comments. I am not sure whether I deserve all that but I love writing them and presenting it to people who gain pleasure reading them. As to my philosophy in life, I am a deeply confused man trying to figure out whether we are just driven in everything we do and eperience by the evolutionary instinct to survive and whether this also becomes the basis of morality (and ethics) as morality is a powerful driver for survival of a species. Tribes improved their chances of survival in a harsh environment by cooperating with each other. Or.... is there something more??? A consciousness within us which requires the physical Brain in order to manifest itself but is nevertheless something more. All I am sure at the moment are that we must not be avaricious and too material and live simple lives in a spirit of community, helping each other without constantly yearning for more and more and cultivate a mindset where we are content with what we got. So there....

    1. Mahendra, I like this sort of discussion. I can understand what you are getting at. I have had the same dilemma too but having being born into a Christian family I could only do some independent thinking once all my training was finished and I had left home. Well I think we are born with some need and ability to discriminate good from evil. We are not like animals whose judgement may be for survival mainly and also love of family, but humans have 'empathy' which cannot be in a an automated or robotic individual. This consciousness that you talk of is the key. And there is also the natural inclination towards pleasure, comfort and enjoyment. But consciousness, discrimination and empathy powers make us choose. The human brain with its highly developed cortex seems to be necessary for these higher functions as even non medical and non scientific experiments reveal. Can go on but let's hope others join in. It is a very interesting topic. Zita

  4. Mahen, thank you for a beautiful poem. I believe that the ability to forgive leads to peace in one's heart. The inability or the unwillingness to forgive someone leads to a lot of unhappiness, sometimes manifesting in physical symptoms.
    As for you being a deeply confused man, I don't think so... Maybe you just think too much! I do agree with you about trying to be less materialistic and living a simple life, but I think that comes naturally with getting older and wiser. Relax, my friend!

  5. With information overload on philosophies I can understand your confusion. There must be a simple path to follow and I still find the teachings of the Buddha has all the ingredients needed to have a happy life. It's however never easy to follow that path without living in a monastery.

  6. I agree ND. I find it comforting and it also makes sense although I find it difficult to accept certain concepts which at the moment, have no scientific proof, leaving me with the option of accepting things as a matter of faith. The concept of several "stream of consciousness" passing through time occupyimg many physical forms(human and animal) as they stream through is hard to accept.Furthermore, that this stream of consciousness which is impermanent as it is changing all the time like everything in this Universe (I am all for that) and therefore at variance with the belief of an eternal soul, is still conditioned continuously by our actions and able to carry "memories" or imprints of our actions, thereby giving rise to the consequences of our actions,immediately some times but at opportune moments in the future spreading over several births, is hard to understand and accept. It is easy to use the word "energy", and it may well be, but whoever thought of energy (Wifi or Radio or TV waves) being Moral or Immoral?

    I belived in evolution and the drive for survival and it apears to me quite sensible to beieve that Morality arises from that need , as I pointed out earlier. The belief in some form of "cause and effect" relating to ALL our actions and that there is some underlying universal constant called "good" and "bad", to me is hard to accept, unless of course you are Theistic! Morality, Empathy and Ethical behaviour to me are social constructs that have evolved in human existence. Indeed it is not just Humans, as "moral" behavioue where one animal for example considers the welfare of its fellow members in making decisions have been shown with rats, elephants and many other animals. I am coming to the view more and more that I should not believe in Buddhism as the ultimate truth but as a very sensible and logical approach to leading a contented life. I also like the Buddhist view that we should concentrate on the here and now and not waste time pondering about impondrables ( I plead guilty though!) and take up the challenge of testing the WAY by emabrking on it with the faith that it will lead me develop my mind (whatever that is") and realise for myself. One can describe a place with many words but one can only experience it by actually going there.

    I think I have said enough to justify my contention that I am confused!

  7. Perhaps the trouble is that the perfect philosophy doesn't exist. I was born and brought up as a Christian. I find Buddhist philosophy gives a satisfactory explanation. It may be that I do not know enough about it to understand it fully hence the unanswered queries.