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Monday, August 22, 2016

Something lighthearted while sipping a jeroboam of wine.

Sent in by Razaque Ahamat

All of you may have at some point experienced the bloody nuisance  calls known as " Cold Callers".

Here are a few that we had to deal with!!

1.Telephone rang and my wife picked it up and the caller said "Can I speak to Dr.Ahamat"
She replied "He does not live here any more, he has left me"...... I laughed
Caller "who was that laughing? She replied " Oh,That's my toy boy" and put the phone down!!

2..Another time I picked the phone & the caller said "Can I speak to Mrs. Ahamat?"
I replied " Which one, there are SEVEN here. I am a Muslim you know"
Caller " You must be very busy"
Reply "Are you deaf or what? Can't you hear me out of breath & panting"
Got cut off.

3.I picked up the phone.
Caller " Good Day, Sir...... nice and warm today!"
Replied " What do you want?"
Caller " Can I speak to Mrs. Ahamat, please?"
When being polite, one cannot be rude!!
Reply " Oh, being a nice day, she is out GRAZING"
Silly bugger said "When will she be back?"
Replied " At noon, that will be her MILKING TIME!!"
Got cut off.

4. This one is not the 'bloody cold callers'.
I had been very constipated for a few days and had an awful time trying
to deposit it with a lot of 'pushing' & panting. It was very painful indeed.
Coming out of the loo I told my wife "Now I can appreciate what you guys
may be experiencing at child birth"" She glanced at me & grinned!!
Then I went into the garden as usual and did a lot of digging and "did" my back.
Came indoors holding the small of my back and told my wife if she would please
give me a 'rub down' and held the tube of 'Feldene'?????
She said very sternly " You must be joking"!!!
She thought I wanted some medication to my "AHH.. SOUL" applied!!!
I said it was only ' a little bit higher' her hilarity!!
She did a grand job of it later anyway... cannot complain. 


  1. Great stuff O'S1! I am sure you have many more to share. So let's have them. SPD

    1. Raz,--- your 'Substantial Friend'August 23, 2016 at 4:17 AM

      Lots more, my friend Mahen!
      It will be released 'in drips & drabs' in order that they can be enjoyed in full.
      If released in a deluge, will not be appreciated.

    2. Knew a De Kretser once but this chap De Luge is new to me. When is he being released from prison and what crime has he committed?

  2. Razaque- Iam glad life's one great comedy for you ! Cheers

    1. Thanks Rohini,
      I generally make life tolerable with a bit of laughter. If not one could be bored to death.
      Life has its "thrills WITH spills"...!!!!.

  3. Guys & Dolls you will note that almost all of my 'laughs'have been at my or mine expense..... so no one can sue me for libel!!

  4. When I said "Just a little higher".... it was to her instant relief and mime TOO??
    I did not want her to mess around with "my man hole"!!

  5. You are hilarious, Razaque. You certainly haven't lost your touch. A person who takes himself or herself too seriously is very boring, indeed. I hope to use some of your lines with the nuisance calls that come my way.

  6. Thanks Srianee (Bunter) for your comments.
    Yes you are welcome to use whatever you want. There is no Copyright nor Patents attached to any of my postings.... you won't be sued.
    I had another one today.
    The caller wanted to speak to Farina Ahamat.
    I said that she has gone on holiday for a month with her 'Fancy Men' AND 'Toy BoyS'. The line got cut off & end of conversation!!.

  7. Hee, hee! I hope you don't mind my excited laugh after so many weeks. It's never too late for humour. And you are very able in this art. It is the way you say it most of all. That's an art in itself!
    Hee her again!
    from Zita